If there’s one thing we know about the Kardashians, besides the facts of the case that they can turn anything into fund, it’s that they always find a reason to throw a party. This week, Kylie and her BFF Stassie Karanikolaou( can’t she just be Stassie K ?) got matching Lasik eye surgery, which is apparently a thing now, and decided to celebrate by wearing really weird latex gowns embellished with eyeballs. I’m all for determine reasons to party, but I’m still kind of flustered. I have pairing love necklaces with my BFF, and other more hardcore BFFs I know have coinciding tattoos they already regret. But pairing Lasik eye surgery? I don’t get it. Well, whatever, I guess there are things billionaire BFFs understand that we regulars don’t. Maybe if Kylie had the surgery a year ago, she would’ve seen Jordyn Woods’ betrayal coming. Oh, that’s not how Lasik drives? Never mind.
Obviously, Stassie documented the whole surgery, so that all countries of the world knows she has officially taken Jordyn’s place as Kylie’s number one BFF and will never contribute it back. She posted a pointless video of her and Kylie sitting in the chairs of the operating room right after surgery where Kylie’s eyes are closed. Aww, poverty-stricken Kylie is trying to rise and shine, but being too depleted. You knew that was coming. If I don’t make a joke about Kylie trying to rise and shine, who will? Oh right, the entire rest of the internet.
At the follow-up doctor’s appointment, the girls learn that they have 20/15 imagination( better than 20/20 ), which I didn’t know was a thing, but good for them. Maybe now they can see the wonky positions when they’re Facetuning their photos. Hopefully they don’t know any of the negative Lasik side effects, which can include igniting and even temporary blindness. How will Kylie be able to tell apart her lip paraphernalium colors if she loses her perception ??
Anyway, the BFFs threw a party to celebrate the birth of their newly-perfect eyesight( yes you read that correctly ). They took videos of themselves in the lavatory mirror wearing tight pink latex dresses, which I still can’t get over.
Does nobody else think it’s laughable to get matching attention surgery and then throw a party for their sight’s birthday? You can even hear Kylie in the background yelling, “My sight has been born; it’s my f* cking birthday.” Wait, so if the eyebrow hair I plucked last week develops back, has it been born, very? Does that mean I can throw a party? Ugh, the amount of money these girls have to waste is literally my dream. I don’t know for sure, but my assumption is that Kylie and Stassie get other secret surgeries together all the time( like boob jobs and lipo and belly button reconstruction) and precisely decided to share this one because they can get away with announcing it “medical” rather than exclusively cosmetic.
Apparently, friends who do Lasik eye surgery together, stay together! Unless Stassie fuckings it up like Jordyn did. In which instance, a different BFF will swoop in and Kylie will have to figure out another way to mark their friendship. Matching beach mansions in the Hamptons, maybe? Matching puppies? Matching toenails? Whatever it is, you can bet your bottom dollar Kylie will throw a party for it.
Images: Shutterstock; kyliesnapchat/ Instagram
Read more: betches.com