‘Vanderpump Rules’ Recap: #Winning

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I cant believe its already been a whole week since the last chapter of. I guess season certainly does hover when your entire country/ life has gone to shit.

Lisa and Nappy the dog( and Ken) filled most of the Survers in some area where I presuppose P! nk shed up. Apparently its World Dog Day. Thats chill and all, Im merely glad Ive already seen 2 puppies less than 1 minute into this episode.

Katie: I wanna work for Lisa so I can learn how to make incidents together and be successful

Don’t you have an occurrence comes real? Like a marry or something?

Theres no booze allowed at this even so Jax is like Its a no from me dog.

Scheanas breaking out the grey-haired colour contacts like its 2008.

Im calling it now, Jax is trying to get Brittany to dump him because hes too much of a pussy to do it himself. Pun aimed, mothafucka.

I conceived vodaspa was vodkaspa and for a minute I was like MY HOMELAND!

The Toms continue to be metrosexual af. Are they going a duets rub? What is happening?

Katie starts over to Stassis. Stassi says Summer bod not on fleek. Someone has got to teach these people the new lingo. Get with the fucking times.

Stassi: This is my first apartment that my boyfriend or dad isnt paying for.

Same.

Stassis a real adult because she went to Home Depot and picked out a decorate swatch. Tell the record been demonstrated that her apartment is WHITE.

Stassi : So like Im your girl of honor right?

… You precisely grew friends with Katie like, a month ago. Chill.

Katie : I hope this doesnt grow the Hunger Game of whos is about to be my MOH.

Thats exactly what its gonna turn into.

This split screen between Tom Squared and Stassi and Katie is basically every male-female communication issue in a nutshell.

How exactly does this got a couple of servers have 50 grandiose to blow on a wed? I dont even have $50 to spend on a blowout tomorrow( true-life floor ), and Im salaried. Damn it, I’m in the wrong line of work.

James : Lisa wants me to apologize but like, Katie fat and Scheana get a nose job so like, Im not wrong.

Scheana envisages disingenuine is a word, did anybody else catch that? A for attempt but F for execution.

Lalas mom is not a regular mommy, shes a cool mummy. Lala talks to her mom 4 times per day, and this is why you need sidekicks, kids.

Lalas mama: You shouldnt drink
* Waitress comes by*
Lala : Ill have a pinot grigio

Things I did not need to know: Lala lost her chastity with a ruby-red condom to the sung Lollipop by Lil Wayne. Unclear if she also lost her virginity Lil Wayne, because hes about the only being I can imagine freely taking part in such a scenario.

This monstrous recreation of telephone around the restaurant is more funny thing to ever happen on its own history on this show.

Like, I dont believe for one second that Kristen chew Brittany out, but the fact that no one is really outright repudiating “its by” kind of suspicious and strange.

Jax : Is this going to be the issue of gossip all summertime long?

Yeah because you travelled and told everybody. You dont get to act fed up now.

Jax : This is LA, shit happens, get over it.

BRITTANY, DUMP HIM. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DUMP HIM.

When you employ prescription lenses in the giant glasses they hand out at saloon mitzvahs 😛 TAGEND

Brittany and Jaxs argument is a game of whos gaslighting whom? My moneys still on Jax. Now would be a great time for the Bravo cameramen to come through with the receipts.

Where the fuck is Kim when you need her?

Katies talking about her bridesmaids knacks while Tom visualizes different ways to kill himself.

Tom lives in a fantasy world where wedding photographers cost $400.

Tom : I thought wed waste like 10 grand, that seems reasonable.

When did you think you were getting married, 1960?

This venue looks pretty lame, if you ask me. It simply looks like some randos house in the middle of the woods. Can I offer up my parents’ house and get paid a piece of this fictitious $ 50 K?

Tom: Now that Ive invested all my life savings on this venue now would be a great time to talk about a prenup.

Katie: Come again?

Katie : I dont know what type of assets Tom is trying to protect with this prenup.

Well believing yall exactly put down 5 grandiose on a venue, one of you has to have some resources. I hope.

Katie: The only assets Tom has is like, millions of dollars in sweatpants and Ninja Turtle act figures.

^ When two people who evidently dont know one another very well at all get married.

Tom : OMG I cherish when Katie is playing logical, it gets me so hot.

Tom mostly called Katie bat-shit crazy. But I wish you two a lifetime of delight and all.

Last summer James apparently secreted his new single with Lala that none of us been hearing. Safe it say it topped the charts.

I looked it up on Youtube and it only has 50,000 looks. And James raps on it. So my earlier spot about it surfacing the following chart stands for sure.

James : I frankly feel like I could be playing Coachella.

I lied, THIS is the funniest situation to happen in the history of.

Lala accusing her playing like a wicked bitch on being ravenous is me af.

These beings walking around with pups exchanging raffle tickets have the easiest jobs in the fucking world.

Apparently last-place darknes James fought with some rando the night before and got put in a headlock. Why am I not shocked.

James : Im sorry people are so apprehensive of me, but I cant used to help if Im popular.

Is James wearing change lenses?

WAIT. WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT SANVDOVALS HAIR.

What the fuck is that shit? Whos your hair stylist, Stacy London?

James: I dont wanna sound cocky but Im young, Im hot, and I’m a DJ in LA so #Winning

Cut to 😛 TAGEND James : Will the owner of a Toyota please come up to the stage? We received your keys.

This show deserves a fucking Emmy.

Shouts out to Lisas friend Lance Bass, who definitely did not pay for this promo at all.

James is clanging like a obsessive schizophrenic rn. Everyones out to get me, Lisa. Theyre jealous.

Stassi: This is the most amazing thing anyones ever done, Lisa. Im so proud to know you.

OK, calm down with the dick riding.

Tom Schwartz : Yeah Im so excited about getting married. So pumped I think about killing myself every waking hour, but yeah. So pumped-up. Cant wait.

Jax is like Everyone needs to stop butting their nose into my affair which is easy to say when you are spread a rumor marring your own relationship. Like, do you even have a psyche? Not a rhetorical question. Please tweet us to let us know.

Ooo Kristen announced Jax Jason, its is set to lit.

K that controversy attained a whole lot of good-for-nothing. Can’t wait till next week! Will we ever get to the bottom of #HeadphanieGate( yeah, I remembered )? Probably not.

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