Amber Rudd. Photograph: Hannah Mckay/ Reuters
The refer of Theresa Mays most likely successor is an anagram of Bad Murder
If May is toppled this summer either on a crack above Klosters by some of Barmy Barniers ski-masked lackeys or, more likely, by the Conservatives 1922 Committee then Amber Rudd is tipped supersede her, although there are the minister of the interior is about as fit for purpose as Joey Barton is for becoming a galctico . Still, at the least she would be better than the obvious comic that is Boris Johnson. Better Britain is helmed by PM Bad Murder than this gaffe-prone berk( Johnson lost his wedding ring within an hour of getting married ), inventor of references( for which he was fired from the Times ), witless calumniser of scousers, witless calumniser of Papua New Guineans and most incompetent foreign secretary since Lord Halifax.
The Farage farago is, paws spanned, over
There is good news. We never need use the word Strewth, Paul Nuttall is on the radio talking cobblers again, thanks to Ukips sad electoral accomplishment. Plus, Farage, his precede, has realised his true job not inducing the post-truth subject for Brexit, but getting on his knees and smooching when in the vicinity of the 45 th US chairpeople likely frightful derriere. He has called Trump amazing and superb and claimed that the president had some good people behind him, such as Kellyanne Conway. You remember Conway, the aide who employed the period alternative facts to vindicate colleague Sean Spicers lies. Fine judge of character.
Its not only Theresa May who is doing an parody of Tigger unbounced
Reflecting on her partys poll loss of 21 Westminster sits, Nicola Sturgeon, the SNP leader, looked pleasingly glum as she conceded that her a blueprint for “the worlds” worst neologism, Indyref2, were undoubtedly a factor in the disappointing causes. Sturgeon had hoped for a second independence referendum in 2019, so Scotland could baffle the hard Brexit she feared Mays authority would inflict, like a coward, sneaky Sassenach trick on her proud Braveheart-like beings, but, when she makes a statement next Tuesday on the question, shes likely to step back from that extravagant timetable.
They enunciate Rhyl is very nice this time of year
Ever since the referendum upshot, the pound has been buying fewer euros or dollars and money experts believe its significance will remain in the long term at least 10% below what it was this time last year. Which makes, apart from anything else, and altogether unacceptably, Im more for my Italian truffle lubricant than ever. Its also why Marmite payments more, although, considering the fact that Marmite smells like a sweaty crotch mixed with beef remove, I can live with that. One obvious corollary is that we must forget Florida, the Cte dAzur or Umbria this summer, and instead espouse the staycation, rediscovering our Churchillian bulldog spirit for opposing pigeons for the last of our chips on windswept north Wales beaches as unstoppable tornadoes roar in from the Irish Sea.
The difference between hard and soft interpreted( finally !)
A hard Brexit would be likely to see the UK dispense with full access to the single market and the customs union, with the bonus that we are capable of submit European Johnny Strangers to cavity inquiries at Stansted before recalling them on the next flight to Dsseldorf. By comparison, soft Brexit would imply us going unlimited quilted toilet rolls and cute puppies in exchange for acknowledging more immigrants than you are able to shake a stick at. Simply kidding. Soft Brexit means we might follow a similar course to Norway, which is a member of the single market and has to accept the free movement of people as a result.
Which of these we get, hard or soft, is unclear but, considering the fact that the EU negotiating team seems akin to a ruthless, spirited and enviably joined Jamaican 4×100 relay crew and their British counterparts resemble a fractious, red-faced, bumbling PTA tug-of-war team called into action after expending too much time in the school fete Pimms tent, I wouldnt be anticipating good news.
That suggested, let me expect this: youve speak Karl Ove Knausgrds unstoppably self-indulgent multi-volume memoirs. Doesnt that put you off aspiring to emulate Norwegians? Me, too.
The rocky street to Dublin just got rockier
May reads she is committed to a frictionless, seamless margin between the Republic of Ireland and Northern Ireland. This, like other Maybot tropes such as Brexit represents Brexit, or solid and stable, or Im absolutely clear about this, makes fewer and less at the longer you think about it. If there remain no passport checks at the Irish border post-Brexit, Ireland could become a back entrance for EU immigrants wishing to come to the UK. That would make a mockery of Mays aim of get immigration down to a sustainable height, which she defines as being below 100,000 a year. This is an aspiration she remarks she wants to fulfil, since it is one lesson she took from the Brexit vote. If passport checks are instituted at the Irish border, that would serve to undermine the Good Friday agreement, which resolved the Troubles nearly 20 years ago. Since then the border has become marvellously invisible rather than scattered with anxious, tooled-up squaddies in watchtowers, which was no way to carry on.
Its fairly the reasonably old pickle, isnt it? There is an Irish story that is useful here. A driver asks a passerby how to get to Dublin. If I wished to go to Dublin, succeeds the reply, I wouldnt start from here.