Amber Rudd. Image: Hannah Mckay/ Reuters
The mention of Theresa Mays most likely successor is an anagram of Bad Murder
If May is toppled this summer either on a crevasse above Klosters by some of Barmy Barniers ski-masked lackeys or, most likely, by the Conservative 1922 Committee then Amber Rudd is tipped supplant her, although there are the home secretary is about as is suitable for purpose as Joey Barton is for becoming a galctico . Still, at the least she would be better than the evident comic that is Boris Johnson. Better Britain is helmed by PM Bad Murder than this gaffe-prone berk( Johnson lost his wedding echoing within an hour of getting married ), inventor of quotes( for which he was fired from the Times ), witless calumniser of scousers, witless calumniser of Papua New Guineans and most inept foreign secretary since Lord Halifax.
The Farage farago is, fingers spanned, over
There is good news. We never need use the phrase Strewth, Paul Nuttall is on the radio talking cobblers again, thanks to Ukips dreary electoral recital. Plus, Farage, his predecessor, has realised his true job not constructing the post-truth example for Brexit, but getting on his knees and smooching when in the vicinity of the 45 th US chairwomen maybe appalling derriere. He has called Trump amazing and superb and claimed that the president had some good people behind him, such as Kellyanne Conway. You recollect Conway, the aide who exploited the expression alternative knowledge to vindicate colleague Sean Spicers lies. Fine judge of character.
Its not only Theresa May who is doing an parody of Tigger unbounced
Reflecting on her partys referendum loss of 21 Westminster seats, Nicola Sturgeon, the SNP leader, looked pleasingly glum as she conceded that her plans for the worlds worst neologism, Indyref2, were undoubtedly a factor in the disappointing results. Sturgeon had hoped for a second independence referendum in 2019, so Scotland could evade the hard Brexit she feared Mays government would inflict, like a sissy, sneaky Sassenach trick on her proud Braveheart-like people, but, when she makes a statement next Tuesday on the question, shes likely to step back from that fanciful timetable.
They allege Rhyl is very nice this time of year
Ever since the referendum decision, the pound has been buying fewer euros or dollars and currency experts believe its quality will remain in the long term at the least 10% below what it was this time last year. Which represents, apart from anything else, and wholly unacceptably, Im paying more for my Italian truffle petroleum than ever. Its also why Marmite costs more, although, bearing in mind the fact that Marmite flavors like a sweaty crotch motley with beef obtain, I can live with that. One obvious corollary is necessary forget Florida, the Cte dAzur or Umbria this summer, and instead embrace the staycation, rediscovering our Churchillian bulldog heart for pushing chumps for the last of our microchips on windswept north Wales beaches as unstoppable gales roar in from the Irish Sea.
The difference between hard and soft interpreted( lastly !)
A hard Brexit would be likely to see the UK give up full access to the single market and the customs union, with the bonus that we could submit European Johnny Foreigners to cavity explorations at Stansted before reverting them on the next flight to Dsseldorf. By compare, soft Brexit would entail us getting boundless quilted toilet rolls and cute puppies in exchange for declaring more immigrants than you have been able shake a stick at. Merely kidding. Soft Brexit means we might follow a similar course to Norway, which is a member of the single market and has to accept the free movement of beings as a result.
Which of these we get, hard or soft, is unsure but, given that the EU negotiating team seems akin to a ruthless, spirited and enviably joined Jamaican 4×100 relay unit and their British counterparts resemble a fractious, red-faced, bumbling PTA tug-of-war team called into action after investing too much time in the school fete Pimms tent, I wouldnt be anticipating good news.
That did, let me request this: youve read Karl Ove Knausgrds unstoppably self-indulgent multi-volume memoirs. Doesnt that put you off aspiring to emulate Norwegians? Me, too.
The rocky street to Dublin just got rockier
May suggests she is committed to a frictionless, seamless frontier between the Republic of Ireland and Northern Ireland. This, like other Maybot tropes such as Brexit intends Brexit, or strong and stable, or Im absolutely clear about this, makes less and less at the longer you think about it. If there remain no passport checks at the Irish border post-Brexit, Ireland could become a back door for EU immigrants wishing to come to the UK. That would make a disrespect of Mays aim of getting in-migration down to a sustainable degree, which she defines as being below 100,000 a year. This is an aspiration she suggests she wants to fulfil, since it is one assignment she took from the Brexit vote. If passport checks are instituted at the Irish border, that would serve to undermine the Good Friday agreement, which terminated the Troubles virtually 20 years ago. Since then the border has become marvellously invisible rather than flecked with nervous, tooled-up squaddies in watchtowers, which was no way to carry on.
Its fairly the reasonably old pickle, isnt it? There is an Irish story that is useful here. A motorist requests a passerby how to get to Dublin. If I wished to go to Dublin, comes the answer, I wouldnt start from here.