Amber Rudd. Photograph: Hannah Mckay/ Reuters
The epithet of Theresa Mays most probably successor is an anagram of Bad Murder
If May is collapsed this summer either on a crevasse above Klosters by some of Barmy Barniers ski-masked lackeys or, more likely, by the Reactionary 1922 Committee then Amber Rudd is tipped supersede her, even though the home secretary is about as is suitable for purpose as Joey Barton is for becoming a galctico . Still, at the least she would be better than the evident comic that is Boris Johnson. Better Britain is helmed by PM Bad Murder than this gaffe-prone berk( Johnson lost his marriage resounding within an hour of getting married ), inventor of references( for which he was fired from the Times ), witless calumniser of scousers, witless calumniser of Papua New Guineans and most incompetent foreign ministers since Lord Halifax.
The Farage farago is, paws intersected, over
There is good news. We never need use the term Strewth, Paul Nuttall is on the radio talking cobblers again, thanks to Ukips dire electoral execution. Plus, Farage, his predecessor, has realised his true occupation not stirring the post-truth action for Brexit, but getting on his knees and smooching when in the vicinity of the 45 th US chairmen maybe unspeakable derriere. He has called Trump amazing and superb and claimed that the president had some good beings behind him, such as Kellyanne Conway. You remember Conway, the aide who expended the expression alternative information to apologize colleague Sean Spicers lies. Fine judge of character.
Its is not simply Theresa May who is doing an parody of Tigger unbounced
Reflecting on her partys referendum loss of 21 Westminster seats, Nicola Sturgeon, the SNP leader, searched pleasingly glum as she conceded that her a blueprint for the worlds worst neologism, Indyref2, were undoubtedly a factor in the disappointing solutions. Sturgeon had hoped for a second independence referendum in 2019, so Scotland could elude the hard Brexit she feared Mays government would impose, like a sissy, sneaky Sassenach trick on her proud Braveheart-like parties, but, when she makes a statement next Tuesday on the question, shes likely to step back from that fanciful timetable.
They say Rhyl is very nice this time of year
Ever since the referendum develop, the pound has been buying fewer euros or dollars and currency experts believe its ethic will remain in the long term at least 10% below what it was this time last year. Which makes, apart from anything else, and absolutely unacceptably, Im compensating more for my Italian truffle petroleum than ever. Its also why Marmite rates more, although, given that Marmite savours like a sweaty crotch mixed with beef extract, I can live with that. One obvious corollary is that we must forget Florida, the Cte dAzur or Umbria this summer, and instead cuddle the staycation, rediscovering our Churchillian bulldog spirit for pushing gulls for the last of our chips on windswept north Wales beaches as unstoppable gales roar in from the Irish Sea.
The discrepancies between hard and soft showed( ultimately !)
A hard Brexit would be likely to see the UK throw in full access to the single market and the customs union, with the bonus that we could submit European Johnny Strangers to cavity investigations at Stansted before returning them on the next flight to Dsseldorf. By oppose, soft Brexit would necessitate us get limitless quilted toilet rolls and cute puppies in exchange for declaring more immigrants than they are able to shake a stick at. Merely kidding. Soft Brexit means we might follow a similar course to Norway, which is a member of the internal market and has to accept the free movement of parties as a result.
Which of these we get, hard or soft, is ambiguous but, bearing in mind the fact that the EU negotiating team seems akin to a ruthless, spirited and enviably joined Jamaican 4×100 communicate squad and their British counterparts resemble a fractious, red-faced, bumbling PTA tug-of-war team called into action after investing too much time in the school fete Pimms tent, I wouldnt be anticipating good news.
That said, let me ask this: youve speak Karl Ove Knausgrds unstoppably self-indulgent multi-volume memoirs. Doesnt that put you off aspiring to emulate Norwegians? Me, too.
The bumpy road to Dublin just got rockier
May says she is committed to a frictionless, seamless frontier between the Republic of Ireland and Northern Ireland. This, like other Maybot tropes such as Brexit represents Brexit, or solid and stable, or Im absolutely clear about this, signifies less and less at the longer you think about it. If there remain no passport checks at the Irish border post-Brexit, Ireland could become a back entrance for EU immigrants wishing to come to the UK. That would make a laughter of Mays aim of going migration down to a sustainable stage, which she defines as being below 100,000 a year. This is an aspiration she says she wants to fulfil, since it is one exercise she took from the Brexit vote. If passport checks are instituted at the Irish border, that would serve to undermine the Good Friday correspondence, which aimed the Troubles almost 20 years ago. Since then the border has already become marvellously invisible rather than speck with anxious, tooled-up squaddies in watchtowers, which was no way to carry on.
Its quite the jolly age-old pickle, isnt it? There is an Irish story that is useful here. A operator expects a passerby how to get to Dublin. If I wished to go to Dublin, comes the answer, I wouldnt start from here.