Amber Rudd. Image: Hannah Mckay/ Reuters
The call of Theresa Mays most probably successor is an anagram of Bad Murder
If May is toppled this summer either on a chasm above Klosters by some of Barmy Barniers ski-masked lackeys or, more likely, by the Conservative 1922 Committee then Amber Rudd is tipped oust her, although there are the home secretary is about as fit for purpose as Joey Barton is for becoming a galctico . Still, at the least she would be better than the evident comic that is Boris Johnson. Better Britain is helmed by PM Bad Murder than this gaffe-prone berk( Johnson lost his uniting ring within an hour of are married ), inventor of quotes( for which he was fired from the Times ), witless calumniser of scousers, witless calumniser of Papua New Guineans and most inept foreign secretary since Lord Halifax.
The Farage farago is, thumbs traversed, over
There is good news. We never need use the term Strewth, Paul Nuttall is on the radio talking cobblers again, thanks to Ukips dreadful electoral achievement. Plus, Farage, his predecessor, has realised his true vocation not constructing the post-truth suit for Brexit, but getting on his knees and smooching when in the vicinity of the 45 th US chairmen perhaps horrible derriere. He has called Trump amazing and superb and claimed that the president had some good parties behind him, such as Kellyanne Conway. You recollect Conway, the aide who employed the expression alternative information to apologize colleague Sean Spicers lies. Fine judge of character.
Its is not simply Theresa May who is doing an parody of Tigger unbounced
Reflecting on her partys election loss of 21 Westminster seats, Nicola Sturgeon, the SNP leader, gazed pleasingly glum as she conceded that her a blueprint for “the worlds” worst neologism, Indyref2, were undoubtedly a factor in the disappointing causes. Sturgeon had hoped for a second independence referendum in 2019, so Scotland could evade the hard Brexit she feared Mays authority would inflict, like a coward, sneaky Sassenach trick on her proud Braveheart-like parties, but, when she makes a statement next Tuesday on the question, shes likely to step back from that fanciful timetable.
They say Rhyl is very nice this time of year
Ever since the referendum upshot, the pound has been buying fewer euros or dollars and money experts believe its value will remain in the long term at the least 10% below what it was this time last year. Which symbolizes, apart from anything else, and totally unacceptably, Im paying more for my Italian truffle petroleum than ever. Its also why Marmite rates more, although, given that Marmite feelings like a sweaty crotch mixed with beef remove, I can live with that. One obvious corollary is that we must forget Florida, the Cte dAzur or Umbria this summer, and instead embrace the staycation, rediscovering our Churchillian bulldog flavor for opposing chumps for the last of our microchips on windswept north Wales beaches as unstoppable typhoons roar in from the Irish Sea.
The difference between hard and soft clarified( ultimately !)
A hard Brexit would be likely to see the UK throw in full access to the single market and the customs union, with the bonus that we are capable of submit European Johnny Natives to cavity searches at Stansted before recalling them on the next flight to Dsseldorf. By differ, soft Brexit would involve us getting limitless quilted toilet rolls and cute puppies in exchange for acknowledging more immigrants than you can shake a stick at. Merely kidding. Soft Brexit means we might follow a similar direction to Norway, which is a member of the internal market and has to accept the free movement of beings as a result.
Which of these we get, hard or soft, is ambiguous but, given that the EU negotiating team seems akin to a ruthless, spirited and enviably joined Jamaican 4×100 communicate crew and their British equivalents resemble a fractious, red-faced, bumbling PTA tug-of-war team called into action after investing too much time in the school fete Pimms tent, I wouldnt be anticipating good news.
That said, let me expect this: youve speak Karl Ove Knausgrds unstoppably self-indulgent multi-volume memoirs. Doesnt that put you off aspiring to emulate Norwegians? Me, too.
The bumpy street to Dublin just got rockier
May says she is committed to a frictionless, seamless margin between the Republic of Ireland and Northern Ireland. This, like other Maybot tropes such as Brexit necessitates Brexit, or strong and stable, or Im absolutely clear about this, necessitates less and less at the longer you think about it. If there remain no passport checks at the Irish border post-Brexit, Ireland could become a back door for EU immigrants wishing to come to the UK. That would make a mockery of Mays aim of going immigration down to a sustainable level, which she defines as being below 100,000 a year. This is an aspiration she says she wants to fulfil, since it is one lesson she took from the Brexit vote. If passport checks are instituted at the Irish border, that would serve to undermine the Good Friday agreement, which intention the Troubles nearly 20 years ago. Since then the border has already become marvellously invisible rather than dotted with apprehensive, tooled-up squaddies in watchtowers, which was no way to carry on.
Its quite the fairly old pickle, isnt it? There is an Irish story that is useful here. A motorist asks a passerby how to get to Dublin. If I wished to go to Dublin, comes the acknowledgment, I wouldnt start from here.