Amber Rudd. Image: Hannah Mckay/ Reuters
The name of Theresa Mays more likely successor is an anagram of Bad Murder
If May is toppled this summer either on a crack above Klosters by some of Barmy Barniers ski-masked lackeys or, most likely, by the Reactionary 1922 Committee then Amber Rudd is tipped supersede her, even though the minister of the interior is about as is suitable for purpose as Joey Barton is for becoming a galctico . Still, at least she would be better than the obvious clown that is Boris Johnson. Better Britain is helmed by PM Bad Murder than this gaffe-prone berk( Johnson lost his marriage echoing within an hour of getting married ), inventor of citations( for which he was fired from the Times ), witless calumniser of scousers, witless calumniser of Papua New Guineans and most incompetent foreign secretary since Lord Halifax.
The Farage farago is, paws swept, over
There is good news. We never need use the motto Strewth, Paul Nuttall is on the radio talking cobblers again, thanks to Ukips dismal electoral concert. Plus, Farage, his predecessor, has realised his true vocation not making the post-truth suit for Brexit, but getting on his knees and smooching when in the vicinity of the 45 th US presidents probably appalling derriere. He has called Trump amazing and superb and claimed that the president had some good beings behind him, such as Kellyanne Conway. You remember Conway, the aide who use the word alternative realities to vindicate colleague Sean Spicers lies. Fine judge of character.
Its is not merely Theresa May who is doing an impersonation of Tigger unbounced
Reflecting on her partys election loss of 21 Westminster sets, Nicola Sturgeon, the SNP leader, appeared pleasingly glum as she conceded that her a blueprint for the worlds worst neologism, Indyref2, were undoubtedly a factor in the disappointing makes. Sturgeon had hoped for a second independence referendum in 2019, so Scotland could escape the hard Brexit she feared Mays authority would impose, like a coward, sneaky Sassenach trick on her proud Braveheart-like beings, but, when she makes a statement next Tuesday on the question, shes likely to step back from that fanciful timetable.
They say Rhyl is very nice this time of year
Ever since the referendum make, the pound has been buying fewer euros or dollars and currency experts believe its cost will remain in the long term at the least 10% below what it was this time last year. Which symbolizes, apart from anything else, and totally unacceptably, Im paying more for my Italian truffle oil than ever. Its also why Marmite overheads more, although, given that Marmite experiences like a sweaty crotch mixed with beef remove, I can live with that. One obvious corollary is that we must forget Florida, the Cte dAzur or Umbria this summer, and instead hug the staycation, rediscovering our Churchillian bulldog atmosphere for opposing pigeons for the last of our chippings on windswept north Wales beaches as unstoppable gales wail in from the Irish Sea.
The discrepancies between hard and soft illustrated( eventually !)
A hard Brexit would be likely to see the UK dispense with full access to the single market and the customs union, with the bonus that we could submit European Johnny Immigrants to cavity research at Stansted before returning them on the next flight to Dsseldorf. By distinguish, soft Brexit would involve us get unlimited quilted toilet rolls and cute puppies in exchange for declaring more immigrants than you can shake a stick at. Simply kidding. Soft Brexit means we might follow a same itinerary to Norway, which is a member of the single market and has to accept the free movement of beings as a result.
Which of these we get, hard or soft, is ambiguous but, owing to the fact that the EU negotiating team seems akin to a ruthless, spirited and enviably joined Jamaican 4×100 communicate squad and their British counterparts resemble a fractious, red-faced, bumbling PTA tug-of-war team called into action after spending too much time in the school fete Pimms tent, I wouldnt be anticipating good news.
That said, let me request this: youve speak Karl Ove Knausgrds unstoppably self-indulgent multi-volume memoirs. Doesnt that put you off aspiring to mimic Norwegians? Me, too.
The bumpy road to Dublin just got rockier
May says she is committed to a frictionless, seamless mete between the Republic of Ireland and Northern Ireland. This, like other Maybot tropes such as Brexit symbolizes Brexit, or solid and stable, or Im absolutely clear about this, signifies less and less at the longer you think about it. If there remain no passport checks at the Irish border post-Brexit, Ireland could become a back entrance for EU immigrants wishing to come to the UK. That would make a mockery of Mays aim of get migration down to a sustainable degree, which she defines as being below 100,000 a year. This is an aspiration she says she wants to fulfil, since it is one lesson she took from the Brexit vote. If passport checks are instituted at the Irish border, that would serve to undermine the Good Friday agreement, which pointed the Troubles virtually 20 years ago. Since then the border has become marvellously invisible rather than dotted with nervous, tooled-up squaddies in watchtowers, which was no way to carry on.
Its fairly the fairly old-fashioned pickle, isnt it? There is an Irish story that is useful here. A driver expects a passerby how to get to Dublin. If I wished to go to Dublin, comes the acknowledgment, I wouldnt start from here.