In case you haven’t been paying attention, The Bachelorette is not a show about finding affection. It is not a show about reality. It is a money-making empire designed to f* ck with our feelings, pad Mike Fleiss’ dirty, humiliating pockets, and pluck a few quite parties from oblivion and move them into moderate internet fame. For the few of you that still conceived, I’m sorry I spoilt the prove for you, and also my pal Jack just sold me some occult beans I think you might be interested in! Venmo me!
Because it’s a TV display designed to bring in viewers, obviously the producers try to pick rivals that will bring the drama. But lately, instead of bringing the drama, they have been bringing the sex offenders, the racists, the cheaters, and the misogynists. I’m not sure if they’re stupid or simply don’t render a sh* t. One date I’d like to investigate that, so if you’re a Bachelor producer please touch me up, and too I’m sorry I precisely called you lazy and stupid. And I’m sorry for echo it here now. So, I decided to take a look back at some of the worst opponents to ever mercy The Bachelorette, graded from “you’re a douche” to “I’m calling the police. Oh wait, someone else already did.” Let us begin!
Bentley is a throwback to the simpler dates, when world Tv evidence villains were just your garden-variety f* ckboys, instead of your garden-variety convicted offenders. My, how hours have changed! Bentley was on Ashley Hebert’s season way back in 2011, a beautiful era when my mothers still paid for everything and three drinkings didn’t do me throw up. Bentley went into the season hoping the Bachelorette would be Emily Maynard, and when it wasn’t, decided to have his fun, pretend to be into Ashley, and emotionally torture her instead. A person after my own soul. He called breaking up with Ashley a “huge performance, ” and said she was an “ugly duckling.” Yes, I also can’t believe this guy realized it to the “best” spot on my inventory.
Be nice to this one, Bentley!
Chad Johnson, aka Mr. Meat, indicated up to Jojo’s season of The Bachelorette with an unsettling smile, a lot of rage, and likely, the steroids he smuggled through protection up his butt. He outwardly gibed at the other men, and appeared down on them for being on a reality show … that he was also on. He also threatened to “cut everyone’s forearms and legs off” which is apparently a “violently inappropriate” phrase, according to the official reprimand I received from my office that one time.
And as if all that wasn’t enough, Chad then went to Paradise , shat his throbs, and was knocked off for “offensive antics”, which included the aforementioned pants sh* tting, and telling Chris Harrison, the Godfather himself, “f* ck you.” Single ladies, this is what we have left! And he was ” vetted “!View this post on InstagramI’m not sure why I work so hard in the gym. But this is my arm. And it’s fuckin large-hearted. And I like it .~ ATAGEND
So I guess he’s still hitting the steroids jolly hard
I’m not going to waste too much time on Jed, because we already know he went on The Bachelorette with the intention of getting famous and returning to his girlfriend when he was done. You ain’t sh* t, Jed. Too, everyone goes on this appearance to get far-famed, but Jed was just too stupid to to hide it. Try harder, Jed! It establishes it all the more serious that we know he’s in the final three. At least have the blessing to see yourself out before the fantasy suite, you two-timing Tim McGraw wannabe.
Also every time he sang the words “I want to be your Mr. Right” it sent a violent chill down my sticker and an angel “losing ones” offstages.
I “shouldve known” he was a cat person.
While Becca’s season was on, it was revealed that Garrett had liked a number of problematic Instagram poles. So, instead of ending up with a middle-aged, washed-up race car driver with a very limited vocabulary, she terminated up with a dude who speculates the Parkland students are crisis actors and probably says things about her friends like, “they’re a 2 at 10 and a 10 at 2! ” Becca get so lucky.View this berth on Instagram
Loved working with @ wayfair Registry to get everything we needed for Becca and my new Carlsbad pad! We were able to coalesce both of our modes to make this new city feel like home. Link in bio to patronize the space and intelligence over to the @ wayfair page today for some fun behind the scenes photos from the makeover! #wayfairwedding #wayfairathome #partner
He took up space too much of our time at the Men Tell All, so I’ll just say that this list is so bad that slut-shamers land solidly in the middle. Congrats, Luke! You’re not the most vile! And that’s the nicest thing I’ll ever “re just saying” you.
You, sir, are not guac.
Rachel’s season of The Bachelorette was historic–she was the first color Bachelorette in the history of the franchise. To celebrate, individual producers rewarded her with a admirer that was racist. So sweet! Again I question, are the producers lazy, or just stupid, or are they actually all puppies garmented in dress pretending to run background checks? Twitter is not the dark web! It is pretty easy to find out if one of your rivals has tweeted that, say, Black Lives Matter is a terrorist group, or, perhaps, really detests wives. As my mother says to me when she’s noticed the man I’m date has fathered multiple babes, “did you not just conduct a simple Google search? ”
I WOULD SUGGEST YOU CONDUCT A SIMPLE GOOGLE SEARCH, ABC.View this upright on InstagramMornin, y’all! It’s # internationalselfcareday # tacotuesday and #nationaltequiladay. This is getting out of hand. From the whisker sound and my favorite coffee cup, it’s safely said, I’ve yet to take part in either .~ ATAGEND
We’ve now moved into the sexual harassment portion of the article. Leo was the romance novel cover model( I could be forming that up, but it’s true-life in my psyche ), who finished in the top six on Becca’s season. Then he went to Paradise where he proceeded to try and campaigned America’s Sweetheart, Grocery Store Joe. After he left the show, Bekah Martinez revealed screenshots of a woman accusing him of sexual harassment. Leo’s response was “I’m sorry that daughter was offended that I assaulted her, ”( I rephrase ), and then proceeded to threaten Bekah with a suit as all absolutely innocent people do.
And eventually we have Lincoln, who was actually CONVICTED of indecent assault after attacking the status of women on a ocean liner, and is required to register as a fornication convict. They give a fornication wrongdoer haunt our Bachelorette! People think I’m extreme for bookmarking the sex sinner registry, but I reckon ABC producers would really benefit from having a look at my browsing history. It would save everyone a lot of lawsuits trouble. Oh, yeah, and this guy used to sh* t on the floor at work. That’s too many players that have trouble controlling their bowels, human.