Tag Archives: Article 50

Theresa May can’t maintained a enmity- and 15 more events we’ve learned since we voted leave

On Saturday, it will be a year since Britain payed the proverbial up yours to Jacques Delors. And what have we learned? That “theres only” a hard Brexit and David Cameron likes expensive sheds

One year ago today, we knew so little. A YouGov poll on referendum daylight last year predicted a 52% to 48% remain succes and even arch-Brexiter Nigel Farage, for a few moments, lost his insufferably oleaginous smirk as he conceded that it examined like remain will shape it. In the end, leave acquired by 51.9% to 48.1% on a turnout of 71.8%, with more than 30 million people voting. And Nigel Farage got his unacceptable grinning back. What have we learned in the following year?

David Cameron would prefer to write his doubtless ludicrous if well-remunerated memoirs in a wheeled Oxfordshire shed rather than negotiate Brexit

Cameron quit as PM the morning after the referendum when it became clear Britain had voted to leave the EU. And who are in a position blamed him? His reassuringly expensive 25,000 molted has a wood-burning stave, dimmer switchings, sofa bed, sheeps coat insularity and is covered in softened colors announced clunch, mouses back and age-old lily-white. By differ, the EU negotiating team are semi-housetrained polecats even now spitting in French about gnawing their opposite number genitals in some hellishly overheated conference room somewhere just awful like Brussels. Probably.

Buses lie

The slogan on the leave battlebus claimed that Brexit would provide 350 m a week for the NHS. Shortly after the referendum, one prominent leave activist, Iain Duncan Smith, said: I never said that in the course of general elections. The 350 m was an extrapolation of the 19.1 bn thats the total amount of coin we devoted in the different regions of the European union countries. What we really said was a significant sum of it would go to the NHS. Not genuinely: leave expedition head Matthew Elliott tweeted during the referendum campaign: Lets afford our NHS the 350 m the EU takes each week. And that wasnt true-blue: Britain had negotiated a deduction, compensating exclusively 285 m a few weeks. Nor was it clear that all EU costs could be channelled straight into health services. The preceding claim of the leave safarus, then, was based on a untrue prospectus and may have led to the British people voting for something they might well have opposed if the selection board had the facts of the case. Just saying.

Jean-Claude
Jean-Claude Juncker. Photo: Patrick Seeger/ EPA

There is only hard Brexit

The EU negotiating team has put all our material on the lawn and is screeching from an upstairs window that we were never that good in bunk anyway. What is I forged all those orgasms in French or Polish? We had better find out because were going to be hearing that a lot in the next few months, as our menage with the EU comes to a bitter end. Harmonizing to the European Commissions president, Jean-Claude Juncker, the depart greenback for the UK will be at least 60 bn( 52.7 bn ), while, according to reports in the Financial Times, EU negotiators had now been upped the proposal to 100bn, to blanket post-Brexit farm fees and fees and admin fees in 2019 and 2020 when, if youll allow me some detonators lock outrage, WE WONT EVEN BE MEMBERS OF THE EU ANY MORE. How bitterly sarcastic: didnt we choose Brexit, in part, this is why we didnt is therefore necessary to subsidise economically unviable, maybe drunk-off-their-asses French farmers, and faceless Brussels bureaucrats? You is common knowledge that? We likely did.

Our brand-new mates are international pariahs

In the outpouring, the busines minister Liam Fox held an indication of how Britain would emerge post-Brexit stronger, fairer, more united and more outward-looking nation when he saw the Philippines to negotiate a transaction is being dealt withRodrigo Duerte, the Filipino president. Duerte has publicly encouraged civilians to kill drug addict, and lives the career daydream Ive been secretly nourishing since primary school, namely that of becoming an international pariah. At the same period, Theresa May was in Saudi Arabia as part of a wider authority effort to shore up the UKs trading position after Brexit and, while there, declined to condemn the Saudi-led bombing in Yemen, even though it is estimated to have killed more than 10,000 civilians and displaced more than 3 million people. There is a real danger that, in our desperation to conclude transaction slews, respect for human rights, which is in every EU contract, will just go out of the window, said elderly Labour MP Harriet Harman. Yes, but with respect, Harriet, its only remoaners like you who sacrifice a monkeys about strangers human rights or lives when Britains trade deficit needs correcting.

Theresa May isnt a brutal difficult maiden

Not certainly. Yes, she did say: During the Conservative party leadership safarus, I was described by one of my colleagues as a blood difficult maiden. And I said at the time the next person to find that out will be Jean-Claude Juncker. But, just as the first rule of Fight Club is that you do not talking here Fight Club, the first rule of being difficult is not to go on about it. Just do it. Talking about it aint gonna make it happen, girlfriend.

Oh,
Oh, Kate. How could you. Photograph: Gered Mankowitz/ Record Company Handout

The balmy days of last November are over

Remember when everybody favourite music-and-movement translator of Emily Bronts oeuvre, Kate Bush, announced that May is fantastic and the best event thats happened to us in a long time? This was during the heady hiatus before Mays cataclysmic poll victory, after which she was obliged to ritually crawl up the Mall in leather trousers, blooding her sides and knees as passers-by whoosh: Whos strong and stable now, eh ?, to beg the Queen to stand her to form the next government. At least thats how I remember it. By the ways and means of that hubristic electoral adversity, May surrendered a parliamentary majority in favour of being obliged to suck up to a bunch of cheerless Ulster homophobes( no offence ) to prevent her and her cold-hearted, good-ideas-free crew in bureau( again no offence ), all the while substantiating herself with every breaking-news story to be weak and precarious and temperamentally incapable to negotiate Brexit. How much side-eye am I devoting Kate Bush right now? So much.

The extending EU negotiator does a scary Dr Evil impersonation

Read Michel Barniers following remarks in a sinister accent while stroking an imaginary “cat-o-nine-tail”. If you like marching in the mountains, you have to learn a certain number of rules, he said, shortly after May had returned from a walking tour of Snowdonia to announce a stupid snap ballot. You have to learn to put one foot in front of the other … You likewise have to look at what accidents might befall you You have to have stamina because it could be a long street. Is it simply me or did that definitely sounds like Moriarty obliquely problem a extinction threat to Sherlock at the Reichenbach Falls? Is Barnier planning to kill our prime minister with an frost picking as she trolls around the Alps singing Happy Wanderer with her Woody Allen-clone of a spouse? Because thats how it sounded to me.

How terrifying is the EUs chief negotiator? In the olden days, the Sun would have mercilessly satirised his surname. Remember when they stuck it to a former EU commission president with their Up yours, Delors! splashing? But have they dared to summon him Barmy Barnier in 72 -point capitals? No, because he will probably threw a strike out on them as well, if they did. Hes just that intimidating.

Even the English speech is taking a punishment-beating, post-Brexit

Slowly but surely, English is losing its importance in Europe, said Juncker during a communication in Italy last month. And he said the rest of his speech in French, just to fasten the quality. Surely, Juncker can probably say I faked all those orgasms in each of the many EU languages. What a person!

Sympathy for Jean-Claude. If Juncker has any animus to this island nation, its in part because during the course of its referendum campaign, our tabloids reported the insinuation that his father was a Nazi. It was unjust and disgusting, he told the FT. Just possibly, Britain is reaping what its post-truth hatemongers sowed. Thanks for that, tabloids.

Every era I write Brexit, the autocorrect changes it to Breast

This is the only good thought that has happened in politics in the past year.

Michael Gove is back

Lord, it was hard to write that last sentence. Wasnt the most wonderful act about Mays first administration that she had been able to bin him off? But months later, hes back as context secretary, substantiating, if nothing else, that May cant hold on to anything for long not a plan , not a parliamentary majority , not even a rancour. Just to review: she trenched two manifesto pledges in the Queens speech( legalising fox hunting and creating more grammar school ), but produced her old adversary back into the cabinet. What a dithering regret she is. Although Ill say this for her: at least she isnt Gove. Was it simply me who virtually lost their dinner watching footage of Gove jogging down the street with a smug grin on his face when it was recited on Have I Got News for You last-place Friday? Of route it wasnt.

Amber
Amber Rudd. Image: Hannah Mckay/ Reuters

The name of Theresa Mays more likely successor is an anagram of Bad Murder

If May is toppled this summer either on a crack above Klosters by some of Barmy Barniers ski-masked lackeys or, most likely, by the Reactionary 1922 Committee then Amber Rudd is tipped supersede her, even though the minister of the interior is about as is suitable for purpose as Joey Barton is for becoming a galctico . Still, at least she would be better than the obvious clown that is Boris Johnson. Better Britain is helmed by PM Bad Murder than this gaffe-prone berk( Johnson lost his marriage echoing within an hour of getting married ), inventor of citations( for which he was fired from the Times ), witless calumniser of scousers, witless calumniser of Papua New Guineans and most incompetent foreign secretary since Lord Halifax.

The Farage farago is, paws swept, over

There is good news. We never need use the motto Strewth, Paul Nuttall is on the radio talking cobblers again, thanks to Ukips dismal electoral concert. Plus, Farage, his predecessor, has realised his true vocation not making the post-truth suit for Brexit, but getting on his knees and smooching when in the vicinity of the 45 th US presidents probably appalling derriere. He has called Trump amazing and superb and claimed that the president had some good beings behind him, such as Kellyanne Conway. You remember Conway, the aide who use the word alternative realities to vindicate colleague Sean Spicers lies. Fine judge of character.

Its is not merely Theresa May who is doing an impersonation of Tigger unbounced

Reflecting on her partys election loss of 21 Westminster sets, Nicola Sturgeon, the SNP leader, appeared pleasingly glum as she conceded that her a blueprint for the worlds worst neologism, Indyref2, were undoubtedly a factor in the disappointing makes. Sturgeon had hoped for a second independence referendum in 2019, so Scotland could escape the hard Brexit she feared Mays authority would impose, like a coward, sneaky Sassenach trick on her proud Braveheart-like beings, but, when she makes a statement next Tuesday on the question, shes likely to step back from that fanciful timetable.

They say Rhyl is very nice this time of year

Ever since the referendum make, the pound has been buying fewer euros or dollars and currency experts believe its cost will remain in the long term at the least 10% below what it was this time last year. Which symbolizes, apart from anything else, and totally unacceptably, Im paying more for my Italian truffle oil than ever. Its also why Marmite overheads more, although, given that Marmite experiences like a sweaty crotch mixed with beef remove, I can live with that. One obvious corollary is that we must forget Florida, the Cte dAzur or Umbria this summer, and instead hug the staycation, rediscovering our Churchillian bulldog atmosphere for opposing pigeons for the last of our chippings on windswept north Wales beaches as unstoppable gales wail in from the Irish Sea.

The discrepancies between hard and soft illustrated( eventually !)

A hard Brexit would be likely to see the UK dispense with full access to the single market and the customs union, with the bonus that we could submit European Johnny Immigrants to cavity research at Stansted before returning them on the next flight to Dsseldorf. By distinguish, soft Brexit would involve us get unlimited quilted toilet rolls and cute puppies in exchange for declaring more immigrants than you can shake a stick at. Simply kidding. Soft Brexit means we might follow a same itinerary to Norway, which is a member of the single market and has to accept the free movement of beings as a result.

Which of these we get, hard or soft, is ambiguous but, owing to the fact that the EU negotiating team seems akin to a ruthless, spirited and enviably joined Jamaican 4×100 communicate squad and their British counterparts resemble a fractious, red-faced, bumbling PTA tug-of-war team called into action after spending too much time in the school fete Pimms tent, I wouldnt be anticipating good news.

That said, let me request this: youve speak Karl Ove Knausgrds unstoppably self-indulgent multi-volume memoirs. Doesnt that put you off aspiring to mimic Norwegians? Me, too.

The bumpy road to Dublin just got rockier

May says she is committed to a frictionless, seamless mete between the Republic of Ireland and Northern Ireland. This, like other Maybot tropes such as Brexit symbolizes Brexit, or solid and stable, or Im absolutely clear about this, signifies less and less at the longer you think about it. If there remain no passport checks at the Irish border post-Brexit, Ireland could become a back entrance for EU immigrants wishing to come to the UK. That would make a mockery of Mays aim of get migration down to a sustainable degree, which she defines as being below 100,000 a year. This is an aspiration she says she wants to fulfil, since it is one lesson she took from the Brexit vote. If passport checks are instituted at the Irish border, that would serve to undermine the Good Friday agreement, which pointed the Troubles virtually 20 years ago. Since then the border has become marvellously invisible rather than dotted with nervous, tooled-up squaddies in watchtowers, which was no way to carry on.

Its fairly the fairly old-fashioned pickle, isnt it? There is an Irish story that is useful here. A driver expects a passerby how to get to Dublin. If I wished to go to Dublin, comes the acknowledgment, I wouldnt start from here.

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Theresa May can’t viewed a resentment- and 15 more stuffs we’ve learned since we voted leave

On Saturday, it will be a year since Britain committed the proverbial up yours to Jacques Delors. And what have we learned? That there is only a hard Brexit and David Cameron likes expensive sheds

One year ago today, we knew little longer. A YouGov poll on referendum date last year predicted a 52% to 48% abide victory and even arch-Brexiter Nigel Farage, for a moment, lost his insufferably oleaginous smirk as he conceded that it ogled like continue will edge it. In the end, leave acquired by 51.9% to 48.1% on a turnout of 71.8%, with more than 30 million people voting. And Nigel Farage got his unacceptable grin back. What have we learned in the ensuing year?

David Cameron would prefer to write his doubtless silly if well-remunerated memoirs in a wheeled Oxfordshire molted rather than negotiate Brexit

Cameron quit as PM the morning after the referendum when it became clear Britain had voted to leave the EU. And who can blamed him? His reassuringly expensive 25,000 shed has a wood-burning stave, dimmer swaps, sofa bed, sheeps woolen insularity and is painted in softened colours announced clunch, mouses back and old lily-white. By oppose, the EU negotiating team are semi-housetrained polecats even now spitting in French about gnawing their opposite numbers genitals in some hellishly overheated conference room somewhere just awful like Brussels. Probably.

Buses lie

The slogan on the leave battlebus claimed that Brexit would relent 350 m a few weeks for the NHS. Shortly after the referendum, one prominent leave campaigner, Iain Duncan Smith, remarked: I never used to say during the course of the election. The 350 m was an extrapolation of the 19.1 bn thats the total amount of money we committed across the European union. What we are really enunciated be a major sum of it would go to the NHS. Not certainly: leave campaign director Matthew Elliott tweeted during the referendum campaign: Tells present our NHS the 350 m the EU takes every week. And that wasnt true-blue: Britain had negotiated a dismis, simply 285 m a few weeks. Nor was it clear that everything EU costs could be channelled straight into health services. The resulting allegation of the leave expedition, then, was based on a false prospectus and may have led to the British people voting for something they might well have opposed if they had the facts. Just saying.

Jean-Claude
Jean-Claude Juncker. Picture: Patrick Seeger/ EPA

“Theres only” hard Brexit

The EU negotiating team has put all our nonsense on the lawn and is yelling from an upstairs space that we were never that good in bottom anyway. What is I counterfeited all those orgasms in French or Polish? We had better catch out because were going to be hearing that a lot in the next few months, as our menage with the EU comes to a bitter end. Harmonizing to the European Commissions president, Jean-Claude Juncker, the exit legislation for the UK will be at least 60 bn( 52.7 bn ), while, according to reports in the Financial Times, EU negotiators had now been upped the greenback to 100bn, to treat post-Brexit farm pays and remittances and admin fees in 2019 and 2020 when, if youll allow me some caps lock outrage, WE WONT EVEN BE MEMBERS OF THE EU ANY MORE. How bitterly ironic: didnt we elect Brexit, in part, so we didnt “re going to have to” subsidise economically unviable, probably drunk-off-their-asses French farmers, and faceless Brussels bureaucrats? You know what? We likely did.

Our new copulates are international pariahs

In the outpouring, the commerce executive Liam Fox held an indication of how Britain would emerge post-Brexit stronger, fairer, more united and more outward-looking nation when he saw the Philippines to negotiate a commerce deal withRodrigo Duerte, the Filipino president. Duerte has publicly fostered civilians to kill drug addict, and lives the career reverie Ive been privately nourishing since primary school, namely that of becoming an international pariah. At the same experience, Theresa May was in Saudi Arabia as part of a wider authority effort to shore up the UKs trading position after Brexit and, even though they are, declined to condemn the Saudi-led bombing in Yemen, even though it is estimated to have killed more than 10,000 civilians and displaced more than three million people. There is a real danger that, in our desperation to conclude commerce deals, respect for human rights, which is in every EU contract, will just go out of the window, responded senior Labour MP Harriet Harman. Yes, but with respect, Harriet, its alone remoaners like you who make a monkeys about immigrants human rights or lives when Britains trade deficit needs correcting.

Theresa May isnt a bloody difficult female

Not actually. Yes, she did say: During the Conservative party leadership safarus, I was described by one of my colleagues as a blood difficult lady. And I suggested at the time the next person to find that out will be Jean-Claude Juncker. But, just as the first rule of Fight Club is that you do not talk about Fight Club, the first the principles of the rule of being difficult is not to go on about it. Just do it. Talking about it aint gonna make it happen, girlfriend.

Oh,
Oh, Kate. How could you. Photograph: Gered Mankowitz/ Record Company Handout

The balmy epoches of last November are over

Remember when everyones favourite music-and-movement translator of Emily Bronts oeuvre, Kate Bush, announced that May is splendid and the best thing thats happened to us in a very long time? This was during the heady hiatus before Mays disastrous ballot win, after which she was obliged to ritually crawl up the Mall in leather trousers, blooding her sides and knees as passers-by whoosh: Whos solid and stable now, eh ?, to beg the Queen to give her to form the next administration. At least thats how I remember it. By means of that hubristic electoral cataclysm, May ceded a parliamentary majority in favour of being obliged to suck up to a bunch of cheerless Ulster homophobes( no offence ) to maintain her and her cold-hearted, good-ideas-free gang in place( again no offence ), all the while attesting herself with every breaking-news story to be feeble and unstable and temperamentally incompetent to negotiate Brexit. How much side-eye am I devoting Kate Bush right now? So much.

The leading EU negotiator does a frightening Dr Evil parody

Read Michel Barniers following mentions in a malevolent accent while stroking an imaginary cat. If you like ambling in the mountains, you have to learn any particular number of rules, he supposed, shortly after May had returned from a walking tour of Snowdonia to announce a stupid snap ballot. You have to learn to put one foot in front of the other … You too have to look at what accidents might befall you You have to have stamina because it could be a long roadway. Is it simply me or did that sound like Moriarty obliquely problem a extinction menace to Sherlock at the Reichenbach Falls? Is Barnier planning to kill our prime minister with an ice select as she trolls around the Alps singing Joyous Wanderer with her Woody Allen-clone of a spouse? Because thats how it seemed to me.

How spooky is the EUs chief negotiator? In the olden days, the Sun would have mercilessly satirised his surname. Remember when they fastened it to a former EU commission president with their Up yours, Delors! sprinkle? But have they dared to entitle him Barmy Barnier in 72 -point uppercases? No, because he will probably put a hitting out on them as well, if they did. Hes just that intimidating.

Even the English expression is taking a punishment-beating, post-Brexit

Slowly but surely, English is losing its importance in Europe, responded Juncker during a speech in Italy last month. And he said the rest of his speech in French, precisely to clinch the time. Surely, Juncker are likely read I forgery all those orgasms in each of the many EU languages. What a person!

Sympathy for Jean-Claude. If Juncker has any animus to this island commonwealth, its in part because during the course of its referendum expedition, our tabloids reported the insinuation that his father was a Nazi. It was unfair and disgusting, he told the FT. Just maybe, Britain is deriving what its post-truth hatemongers broadcasted. Thanks for that, tabloids.

Every age I write Brexit, the autocorrect changes it to Breast

This is the only good concept that has happened in politics in the past year.

Michael Gove is back

Lord, it was hard to write that last sentence. Wasnt the most wonderful occasion about Mays firstly administration that she had been able to bin him off? But months later, hes back as milieu secretary, substantiating, if nothing else, that May cant hold on to anything for long not a policy , not a parliamentary majority , not even a resentment. Just to review: she trenched two manifesto pledges in the Queens speech( legalising fox hunting and creating more grammar schools ), but brought her old-fashioned antagonist back into the cabinet. What a dithering chagrin she is. Although Ill say this for her: at least she isnt Gove. Was it merely me who virtually lost their dinner watching footage of Gove jogging down wall street with a smug grin on his face when it was reproduced on Have I Got News for You last-place Friday? Of track it wasnt.

Amber
Amber Rudd. Image: Hannah Mckay/ Reuters

The figure of Theresa Mays most probably successor is an anagram of Bad Murder

If May is overthrew the summer months either on a crack above Klosters by some of Barmy Barniers ski-masked lackeys or, more likely, by the Conservative 1922 Committee then Amber Rudd is tipped replace her, although there are the minister of the interior is about as is suitable for purpose as Joey Barton is for becoming a galctico . Still, at least she would be better than the evident jester that is Boris Johnson. Better Britain is helmed by PM Bad Murder than this gaffe-prone berk( Johnson lost his marriage echoing within an hour of getting married ), inventor of excerpts( for which he was fired from the Times ), witless calumniser of scousers, witless calumniser of Papua New Guineans and most inept foreign secretary since Lord Halifax.

The Farage farago is, thumbs traversed, over

There is good news. We never need use the phrase Strewth, Paul Nuttall is on the radio talking cobblers again, thanks to Ukips dire electoral achievement. Plus, Farage, his precede, has realised his true job not realizing the post-truth suit for Brexit, but getting on his knees and smooching when in the vicinity of the 45 th US presidents perhaps horrible derriere. He has called Trump amazing and superb and claimed that the president had some good beings behind him, such as Kellyanne Conway. You remember Conway, the aide who expended the term alternative knowledge to justify colleague Sean Spicers lies. Fine judge of character.

Its not only Theresa May who is doing an impersonation of Tigger unbounced

Reflecting on her partys poll loss of 21 Westminster seats, Nicola Sturgeon, the SNP leader, searched pleasingly glum as she conceded that her plans for the worlds worst neologism, Indyref2, were undoubtedly a factor in the disappointing answers. Sturgeon had hoped for two seconds freedom referendum in 2019, so Scotland could baffle the hard Brexit she feared Mays government would impose, like a sissy, sneaky Sassenach trick on her proud Braveheart-like parties, but, when she makes a statement next Tuesday on the question, shes likely to step back from that fanciful timetable.

They do Rhyl is very nice this time of year

Ever since the referendum result, the pound has been buying fewer euros or dollars and money experts believe its value will remain in the long term at the least 10% below what it was this time last year. Which symbolizes, apart from anything else, and altogether unacceptably, Im more for my Italian truffle petroleum than ever. Its also why Marmite overheads more, although, given that Marmite tastes like a sweaty crotch mixed with beef obtain, I can live with that. One obvious corollary is that we must forget Florida, the Cte dAzur or Umbria this summer, and instead cuddle the staycation, rediscovering our Churchillian bulldog feeling for fighting gulls for the last of our microchips on windswept north Wales beaches as unstoppable cyclones roar in from the Irish Sea.

The difference between hard and soft justified( ultimately !)

A hard Brexit would be likely to see the UK throw in full access to the single market and the customs union, with the bonus that we are capable of defer European Johnny Immigrants to cavity huntings at Stansted before rendering them on the next flight to Dsseldorf. By comparison, soft Brexit would entail us going boundless quilted toilet rolls and cute puppies in exchange for declaring more immigrants than they are able to shake a stick at. Exclusively kidding. Soft Brexit means we might follow a same route to Norway, which is a member of the single market and has to accept the free movement of beings as a result.

Which of these we get, hard or soft, is unsure but, considering the fact that the EU negotiating team seems akin to a ruthless, spirited and enviably joined Jamaican 4×100 communicate crew and their British counterparts resemble a fractious, red-faced, bumbling PTA tug-of-war team called into action after expending too much time in the school fete Pimms tent, I wouldnt be anticipating good news.

That remarked, let me expect this: youve speak Karl Ove Knausgrds unstoppably self-indulgent multi-volume memoirs. Doesnt that put you off aspiring to emulate Norwegians? Me, too.

The rocky road to Dublin just got rockier

May articulates she is committed to a frictionless, seamless margin between the Republic of Ireland and Northern Ireland. This, like other Maybot tropes such as Brexit means Brexit, or solid and stable, or Im absolutely clear about this, means fewer and less at the longer you think about it. If there is still no passport checks at the Irish border post-Brexit, Ireland could become a back door for EU immigrants wishing to come to the UK. That would make a mockery of Mays aim of going in-migration down to a sustainable stage, which she defines as being below 100,000 a year. This is an aspiration she replies she wants to fulfil, since it is one assignment she took from the Brexit vote. If passport checks are instituted at the Irish border, that would serve to undermine the Good Friday agreement, which intent the Troubles almost 20 years ago. Since then the border has become marvellously invisible rather than scattered with nervous, tooled-up squaddies in watchtowers, which was no way to carry on.

Its quite the jolly age-old pickle, isnt it? There is an Irish story that is useful here. A operator questions a passerby how to get to Dublin. If I wished to go to Dublin, develops the reply, I wouldnt start from here.

Read more: www.theguardian.com

READ MORE

Theresa May can’t impounded a grudge- and 15 more things we’ve learned since we voted leave

On Saturday, it will be a year since Britain handed the proverbial up yours to Jacques Delors. And what have we learned? That there is only a hard Brexit and David Cameron likes expensive sheds

One year ago today, we knew little longer. A YouGov poll on referendum day last year prophesied a 52% to 48% continue victory and even arch-Brexiter Nigel Farage, for a moment, lost his insufferably oleaginous smirk as he conceded that it searched like stand will periphery it. In the end, leave triumphed by 51.9% to 48.1% on a turnout of 71.8%, with more than 30 million people voting. And Nigel Farage got his unacceptable grin back. What have we learned in the following year?

David Cameron would prefer to write his doubtless ludicrous if well-remunerated memoirs in a wheeled Oxfordshire molted rather than negotiate Brexit

Cameron quit as PM the morning after the referendum when it became clear Britain had voted to leave the EU. And who are in a position blame him? His reassuringly expensive 25,000 shed has a wood-burning stove, dimmer substitutions, sofa bed, sheeps fleece isolation and is covered in softened tints called clunch, mouses back and old-time grey. By oppose, the EU negotiating team are semi-housetrained polecats even now spewing in French about gnawing their opposite number genitals in some hellishly overheated conference room somewhere just awful like Brussels. Probably.

Buses lie

The slogan on the leave battlebus claimed that Brexit would yield 350 m a week for the NHS. Shortly after the referendum, one prominent leave campaigner, Iain Duncan Smith, read: I never used to say during the course of the election. The 350 m was an extrapolation of the 19.1 bn thats the total amount of money we afforded across the European Union. What we are really read be a major amount of it would go to the NHS. Not actually: leave campaign head Matthew Elliott tweeted during the referendum campaign: Makes make our NHS the 350 m the EU takes every week. And that wasnt true: Britain had negotiated a rebate, compensating merely 285 m a few weeks. Nor was it clear that all EU fees could be channelled straight into health services. The preceding declaration of the leave safarus, then, was based on a untrue prospectus and may have led to the British beings voting for something they might well have opposed if the selection board had the facts of the case. Just saying.

Jean-Claude
Jean-Claude Juncker. Image: Patrick Seeger/ EPA

There is only hard Brexit

The EU negotiating team has put all our material on the lawn and is screaming from an upstairs window that we were never that good in bunk anyway. What is I counterfeited all those orgasms in French or Polish? We had better catch out because were going to be hearing that a lot in the next few months, as our menage with the EU comes to a bitter end. According to the European Commissions president, Jean-Claude Juncker, the exit legislation for the UK will be at least 60 bn( 52.7 bn ), while, according to reports in the Financial Times, EU negotiators had now been upped the greenback to 100bn, to treat post-Brexit farm fees and remittances and admin costs in 2019 and 2020 when, if youll allow me some caps lock outrage, WE WONT EVEN BE MEMBERS OF THE EU ANY MORE. How bitterly sarcastic: didnt we elect Brexit, in part, so we didnt “re going to have to” subsidise economically unviable, maybe drunk-off-their-asses French farmers, and faceless Brussels bureaucrats? You know what? We probably did.

Our new copulates are international pariah

In the outpouring, the sell administrator Liam Fox opened an indication of how Britain would rise post-Brexit stronger, fairer, more united and more outward-looking commonwealth when he called the Philippines to negotiate a commerce enter into negotiations withRodrigo Duerte, the Filipino president. Duerte has publicly inspired civilians to kill drug addicts, and lives the career dream Ive been secretly nurturing since primary school, namely that of becoming an international pariah. At the same age, Theresa May was in Saudi Arabia as part of a wider authority effort to shore up the UKs trading position after Brexit and, even though they are, declined to condemn the Saudi-led bombing in Yemen, even though it is estimated to have killed more than 10,000 civilians and displaced more than 3 million people. There is a real danger that, in our desperation to conclude trade transactions, respect for human rights, which is in every EU contract, will just go out of the window, enunciated senior Labour MP Harriet Harman. Yes, but with respect, Harriet, its alone remoaners like you who contribute a monkeys about foreigners human rights or lives when Britains trade deficit needs correcting.

Theresa May isnt a vicious difficult female

Not really. Yes, she did say: During the Conservative party leadership expedition, I was described by one of all my fellow members as a murderou difficult lady. And I mentioned at the time the next person to find that out will be Jean-Claude Juncker. But, just as the first the principles of the rule of Fight Club is that you do not talk about Fight Club, the first rule of being difficult is not to go on about it. Just do it. Talking about it aint gonna make it happen, girlfriend.

Oh,
Oh, Kate. How could you. Photograph: Gered Mankowitz/ Record Company Handout

The balmy eras of last November are over

Remember when everyone else favourite music-and-movement translator of Emily Bronts oeuvre, Kate Bush, announced that May is magnificent and the best thing thats happened to us in a long time? This was during the exhilarating hiatus before Mays disastrous referendum succes, after which she was obliged to ritually crawl up the Mall in leather trousers, murderous her hands and knees as passers-by whoosh: Whos strong and stable now, eh ?, to beg the Queen to earmark her to form the next government. At least thats how I remember it. By the ways and means of that hubristic electoral cataclysm, May surrendered a parliamentary majority in favour of being is under an obligation to suck up to a bunch of cheerless Ulster homophobes( no offence ) to preserve her and her cold-hearted, good-ideas-free crew in power( again no offence ), all the while testifying herself with every breaking-news story to be strong and unstable and temperamentally incapable to negotiate Brexit. How much side-eye am I yielding Kate Bush right now? So much.

The resulting EU negotiator does a creepy Dr Evil impersonation

Read Michel Barniers following remarks in a ominou accent while stroking an imaginary cat. If you like going in the mountains, you have to learn a certain number of rules, he announced, shortly after May had recalled from a walking tour of Snowdonia to announce a stupid snap ballot. You have to learn to put one foot in front of the other … You too have to look at what accidents might befall you You have to have stamina because it could be a long itinerary. Is it only me or did that sound like Moriarty obliquely questioning a death menace to Sherlock at the Reichenbach Falls? Is Barnier planning to kill our “ministers “ with an sparkler select as she trolls all over the Alps singing Happy Wanderer with her Woody Allen-clone of a spouse? Because thats how it announced to me.

How spooky is the EUs chief negotiator? In the olden days, the Sun would have mercilessly satirised his surname. Remember when they remained it to a former EU commission president with their Up yours, Delors! splash? But have they dared to announce him Barmy Barnier in 72 -point capitals? No, because he is very likely to employed a strike out on them as well, if they did. Hes just that intimidating.

Even the English communication is taking a punishment-beating, post-Brexit

Slowly but surely, English is losing its importance in Europe, suggested Juncker during a discussion in Italy last-place month. And he said the rest of his speech in French, precisely to fasten the phase. Indeed, Juncker can probably suppose I forged all those orgasms in each of the many EU languages. What a person!

Sympathy for Jean-Claude. If Juncker has any animus to this island nation, its in part because during the referendum safarus, our tabloids reported the insult that “his fathers” was a Nazi. It was unjust and disgusting, he told the FT. Just maybe, Britain is deriving what its post-truth hatemongers sowed. Thanks for that, tabloids.

Every occasion I write Brexit, the autocorrect changes it to Breast

This is the only good thing that has happened in politics in the past year.

Michael Gove is back

Lord, it was hard to write that last sentence. Wasnt the most wonderful act about Mays first administration that she had been able to bin him off? But months later, hes back as situation secretary, supporting, if nothing else, that May cant hold on to anything for long not a programme , not a parliamentary majority , not even a enmity. Just to review: she trenched two manifesto pledges in the Queens speech( legalising fox hunting and creating more grade school ), but produced her old-time adversary back into the cabinet. What a dithering regret she is. Although Ill say this for her: at the least she isnt Gove. Was it simply me who practically lost their dinner watching footage of Gove plodding down the street with a smug grin on his appearance when it was reproduced on Have I Got News for You last Friday? Of route it wasnt.

Amber
Amber Rudd. Picture: Hannah Mckay/ Reuters

The mention of Theresa Mays most probably successor is an anagram of Bad Murder

If May is overthrew the summer months either on a fissure above Klosters by some of Barmy Barniers ski-masked lackeys or, most likely, by the Conservative 1922 Committee then Amber Rudd is tipped replace her, even though the home secretary is about as fit for purpose as Joey Barton is for becoming a galctico . Still, at least she would be better than the evident buffoon that is Boris Johnson. Better Britain is helmed by PM Bad Murder than this gaffe-prone berk( Johnson lost his uniting ring within an hour of getting married ), inventor of excerpts( for which he was fired from the Times ), witless calumniser of scousers, witless calumniser of Papua New Guineans and most incompetent foreign ministers since Lord Halifax.

The Farage farago is, digits swept, over

There is good news. We never need use the phrase Strewth, Paul Nuttall is on the radio talking cobblers again, thanks to Ukips dismal electoral achievement. Plus, Farage, his predecessor, has realised his true vocation not acquiring the post-truth case for Brexit, but getting on his knees and smooching when in the vicinity of the 45 th US chairpeople possibly unspeakable derriere. He has called Trump amazing and superb and claimed that the president had some good beings behind him, such as Kellyanne Conway. You remember Conway, the aide who expended the term alternative information to apologize colleague Sean Spicers lies. Fine judge of character.

Its not only Theresa May who is doing an parody of Tigger unbounced

Reflecting on her partys ballot loss of 21 Westminster seats, Nicola Sturgeon, the SNP leader, seemed pleasingly glum as she conceded that her plans for the worlds worst neologism, Indyref2, were undoubtedly a factor in the disappointing ensues. Sturgeon had hoped for a second sovereignty referendum in 2019, so Scotland could elude the hard Brexit she feared Mays government would impose, like a sissy, sneaky Sassenach trick on her proud Braveheart-like parties, but, when she makes a statement next Tuesday on the question, shes likely to step back from that fanciful timetable.

They read Rhyl is very nice this time of year

Ever since the referendum upshot, the pound has been buying fewer euros or dollars and currency experts believe its appraise will remain in the long term at the least 10% below what it was this time last year. Which intends, apart from anything else, and altogether unacceptably, Im paying more for my Italian truffle oil than ever. Its also why Marmite overheads more, although, given that Marmite delicacies like a sweaty crotch mixed with beef obtain, I can live with that. One obvious corollary is that we must forget Florida, the Cte dAzur or Umbria this summer, and instead embrace the staycation, rediscovering our Churchillian bulldog flavour for crusading gulls for the last of our chips on windswept north Wales beaches as unstoppable cyclones wail in from the Irish Sea.

The difference between hard and soft clarified( finally !)

A hard Brexit would be likely to see the UK throw in full access to the single market and the customs union, with the bonus that we are capable of defer European Johnny Immigrants to cavity rummages at Stansted before rendering them on the next flight to Dsseldorf. By compare, soft Brexit would involve us getting inexhaustible quilted toilet rolls and cute puppies in exchange for acknowledging more immigrants than you can shake a stick at. Simply kidding. Soft Brexit means we might follow a same course to Norway, which is a member of the internal market and has to accept the free movement of parties as a result.

Which of these we get, hard or soft, is uncertain but, given that the EU negotiating team seems akin to a ruthless, spirited and enviably joined Jamaican 4×100 communicate unit and their British counterparts resemble a fractious, red-faced, bumbling PTA tug-of-war team called into action after wasting too much time in the school fete Pimms tent, I wouldnt be anticipating good news.

That said, let me request this: youve speak Karl Ove Knausgrds unstoppably self-indulgent multi-volume memoirs. Doesnt that put you off aspiring to mimic Norwegians? Me, too.

The rocky superhighway to Dublin just got rockier

May does she is committed to a frictionless, seamless mete between the Republic of Ireland and Northern Ireland. This, like other Maybot tropes such as Brexit intends Brexit, or strong and stable, or Im absolutely clear about this, represents less and less at the longer you think about it. If there is still no passport checks at the Irish border post-Brexit, Ireland could become a back entrance for EU immigrants wishing to come to the UK. That would make a mockery of Mays aim of get in-migration down to a sustainable level, which she defines as being below 100,000 a year. This is an aspiration she does she wants to fulfil, since it is one assignment she took from the Brexit vote. If passport checks are instituted at the Irish border, that would serve to undermine the Good Friday accordance, which purposed the Troubles virtually 20 years ago. Since then the border has become marvellously invisible rather than dotted with nervous, tooled-up squaddies in watchtowers, which was no way to carry on.

Its quite the moderately old-fashioned pickle, isnt it? There is an Irish story that is useful here. A operator questions a passerby how to get to Dublin. If I wished to go to Dublin, passes the respond, I wouldnt start from here.

Read more: www.theguardian.com

READ MORE

Theresa May can’t maintained a resentment- and 15 more happenings we’ve learned since we voted leave

On Saturday, it will be a year since Britain committed the proverbial up yours to Jacques Delors. And what have we learned? That “theres only” a hard Brexit and David Cameron likes expensive sheds

One year ago today, we knew so little. A YouGov poll on referendum date last year prophesied a 52% to 48% persist win and even arch-Brexiter Nigel Farage, for a few moments, lost his insufferably oleaginous smirk as he conceded that it gazed like remain will fringe it. In the end, leave triumphed by 51.9% to 48.1% on a turnout of 71.8%, with more than 30 million people voting. And Nigel Farage got his unacceptable smile back. What have we learned in the following year?

David Cameron would prefer to write his doubtless moronic if well-remunerated memoirs in a wheeled Oxfordshire shed rather than negotiate Brexit

Cameron quit as PM the morning after the referendum when it became clear Britain had voted to leave the EU. And who are in a position blame him? His reassuringly expensive 25,000 shed has a wood-burning stove, dimmer swaps, sofa bed, sheeps fleece insularity and is coated in muted colours announced clunch, mouses back and old-time lily-white. By oppose, the EU negotiating team are semi-housetrained polecats even now spewing in French about chewing their opposite numbers genitals in some hellishly overheated conference room somewhere just awful like Brussels. Probably.

Buses lie

The slogan on the leave battlebus claimed that Brexit would relent 350 m a week for the NHS. Shortly after the referendum, one prominent leave campaigner, Iain Duncan Smith, pronounced: I never said that during the course of the election. The 350 m was an extrapolation of the 19.1 bn thats the total amount of money we returned across the European Union. What we are really answered was a significant quantity of it would go to the NHS. Not truly: leave safarus director Matthew Elliott tweeted during the referendum campaign: Makes cause our NHS the 350 m the EU takes every week. And that wasnt true: Britain had negotiated a reject, only 285 m a week. Nor was it clear that all EU fees could be channelled straight into health services. The preceding affirm of the leave expedition, then, was based on a inaccurate prospectus and may have led to the British people voting for something they might well have opposed if they had the facts. Just saying.

Jean-Claude
Jean-Claude Juncker. Photograph: Patrick Seeger/ EPA

There is only hard Brexit

The EU negotiating team has put all our stuff on the lawn and is shrieking from an upstairs opening that we were never that good in bottom anyway. What is I counterfeited all those orgasms in French or Polish? We had better find out because were going to be hearing that a lot in the next few months, as our menage with the EU comes to a bitter end. According to the European Commissions president, Jean-Claude Juncker, the departure legislation for the UK will be at least 60 bn( 52.7 bn ), while, according to reports in the Financial Times, EU negotiators had now been upped the greenback to 100bn, to deal post-Brexit farm fees and pays and admin fees in 2019 and 2020 when, if youll allow me some detonators lock outrage, WE WONT EVEN BE MEMBERS OF THE EU ANY MORE. How bitterly sarcastic: didnt we choose Brexit, in part, this is why we didnt have to subsidise economically unviable, probably drunk-off-their-asses French farmers, and faceless Brussels bureaucrats? You “know what i m thinking”? We perhaps did.

Our new copulates are international pariah

In the spring, the trade priest Liam Fox demonstrated an indication of how Britain would develop post-Brexit stronger, fairer, more united and more outward-looking person when he visited the Philippines to negotiate a swap deal withRodrigo Duerte, the Filipino president. Duerte has publicly helped civilians to kill drug addict, and lives the career dreaming Ive been privately encouraging since primary school, namely that of becoming an international pariah. At the same time, Theresa May was in Saudi Arabia as part of a wider authority effort to shore up the UKs trading position after Brexit and, even though they are, declined to condemn the Saudi-led bombing in Yemen, even though it is estimated to have killed more than 10,000 civilians and displaced more than 3 million people. There is a real danger that, in our desperation to conclude sell slews, respect for human rights, which is in every EU contract, will just go out of the window, alleged elderly Labour MP Harriet Harman. Yes, but with respect, Harriet, its only remoaners like you who afford a ape about foreigners human rights or lives when Britains trade deficit needs correcting.

Theresa May isnt a bloody difficult female

Not genuinely. Yes, she did say: During the Republican party leadership campaign, I was described by one of my colleagues as a blood difficult maiden. And I said at the time the next person to find that out is likely to be Jean-Claude Juncker. But, just as the first the principles of the rule of Fight Club is that you do not talk about Fight Club, the first rule of being difficult is not to go on about it. Just do it. Talking about it aint gonna make it happen, girlfriend.

Oh,
Oh, Kate. How could you. Photograph: Gered Mankowitz/ Record Company Handout

The balmy epoches of last-place November are over

Remember when everyone else favourite music-and-movement translator of Emily Bronts oeuvre, Kate Bush, was indicated that May is marvelous and best available concept thats happened to us in a long time? This was during the exhilarating hiatus before Mays disastrous election victory, after which she was obliged to ritually crawl up the Mall in leather trousers, bloody-minded her hands and knees as passers-by hissed: Whos strong and stable now, eh ?, to beg the Queen to earmark her to form the next administration. At least thats how I remember it. By the ways and means of that hubristic electoral catastrophe, May ceded a parliamentary majority in favour of being obliged to suck up to a bunch of cheerless Ulster homophobes( no offence ) to obstruct her and her cold-hearted, good-ideas-free crew in agency( again no offence ), all the while proving herself with every breaking-news story to be feeble and unstable and temperamentally incapable to negotiate Brexit. How much side-eye am I committing Kate Bush right now? So much.

The preceding EU negotiator does a creepy Dr Evil parody

Read Michel Barniers following observes in a malevolent accent while stroking an imaginary “cat-o-nine-tail”. If you like marching in the mountains, you have to learn a certain number of rules, he remarked, soon after May had recalled from a walking tour of Snowdonia to announce a stupid snap election. You have to learn to put one foot in front of the other … You also have to look at what accidents might befall you You have to have stamina because it could be a long itinerary. Is it exactly me or did that sound like Moriarty obliquely problem a extinction menace to Sherlock at the Reichenbach Falls? Is Barnier planning to kill our prime minister with an frost select as she trolls all over the Alps singing Joyous Wanderer with her Woody Allen-clone of a spouse? Because thats how it resounded to me.

How unnerving is the EUs chief negotiator? In the olden days, the Sun would have mercilessly satirised his surname. Remember when they stuck it to a former EU commission president with their Up yours, Delors! splashing? But have they dared to announcement him Barmy Barnier in 72 -point capitals? No, because he will probably placed a collision out on them as well, if they did. Hes just that intimidating.

Even the English communication is taking a punishment-beating, post-Brexit

Slowly but surely, English is losing its importance in Europe, suggested Juncker during a addres in Italy last-place month. And he said the rest of his speech in French, just to fasten the level. Certainly, Juncker are likely answer I faked all those orgasms in each of the many EU languages. What a guy!

Sympathy for Jean-Claude. If Juncker has any animus to this island commonwealth, its in part because during the course of its referendum safarus, our tabloids reported the innuendo that his father was a Nazi. It was unfair and disgusting, he told the FT. Just perhaps, Britain is reaping what its post-truth hatemongers broadcasted. Thanks for that, tabloids.

Every epoch I write Brexit, the autocorrect changes it to Breast

This is the only good happen that has happened in politics in the past year.

Michael Gove is back

Lord, it was hard to write that last sentence. Wasnt the most wonderful thought about Mays firstly administration that she had been able to bin him off? But months later, hes back as surrounding secretary, proving, if nothing else, that May cant hold on to anything for long not a program , not a parliamentary majority , not even a animosity. Just to review: she ditched two manifesto pledges in the Queens speech( legalising fox hunting and creating more grammar schools ), but produced her old-fashioned opponent back into the cabinet. What a dithering displeasure she is. Although Ill say this for her: at the least she isnt Gove. Was it only me who practically lost their dinner watching footage of Gove jogging down wall street with a smug grin on his appearance when it was reiterated on Have I Got News for You last-place Friday? Of direction it wasnt.

Amber
Amber Rudd. Image: Hannah Mckay/ Reuters

The mention of Theresa Mays most likely successor is an anagram of Bad Murder

If May is toppled this summer either on a crevasse above Klosters by some of Barmy Barniers ski-masked lackeys or, most likely, by the Conservative 1922 Committee then Amber Rudd is tipped supplant her, although there are the home secretary is about as is suitable for purpose as Joey Barton is for becoming a galctico . Still, at the least she would be better than the evident comic that is Boris Johnson. Better Britain is helmed by PM Bad Murder than this gaffe-prone berk( Johnson lost his wedding echoing within an hour of getting married ), inventor of quotes( for which he was fired from the Times ), witless calumniser of scousers, witless calumniser of Papua New Guineans and most inept foreign secretary since Lord Halifax.

The Farage farago is, fingers spanned, over

There is good news. We never need use the phrase Strewth, Paul Nuttall is on the radio talking cobblers again, thanks to Ukips dreary electoral recital. Plus, Farage, his predecessor, has realised his true job not constructing the post-truth example for Brexit, but getting on his knees and smooching when in the vicinity of the 45 th US chairwomen maybe appalling derriere. He has called Trump amazing and superb and claimed that the president had some good people behind him, such as Kellyanne Conway. You recollect Conway, the aide who exploited the expression alternative knowledge to vindicate colleague Sean Spicers lies. Fine judge of character.

Its not only Theresa May who is doing an parody of Tigger unbounced

Reflecting on her partys referendum loss of 21 Westminster seats, Nicola Sturgeon, the SNP leader, looked pleasingly glum as she conceded that her plans for the worlds worst neologism, Indyref2, were undoubtedly a factor in the disappointing results. Sturgeon had hoped for a second independence referendum in 2019, so Scotland could evade the hard Brexit she feared Mays government would inflict, like a sissy, sneaky Sassenach trick on her proud Braveheart-like people, but, when she makes a statement next Tuesday on the question, shes likely to step back from that fanciful timetable.

They allege Rhyl is very nice this time of year

Ever since the referendum decision, the pound has been buying fewer euros or dollars and currency experts believe its quality will remain in the long term at the least 10% below what it was this time last year. Which represents, apart from anything else, and wholly unacceptably, Im paying more for my Italian truffle petroleum than ever. Its also why Marmite costs more, although, bearing in mind the fact that Marmite flavors like a sweaty crotch motley with beef obtain, I can live with that. One obvious corollary is necessary forget Florida, the Cte dAzur or Umbria this summer, and instead embrace the staycation, rediscovering our Churchillian bulldog heart for pushing chumps for the last of our microchips on windswept north Wales beaches as unstoppable gales roar in from the Irish Sea.

The difference between hard and soft interpreted( lastly !)

A hard Brexit would be likely to see the UK give up full access to the single market and the customs union, with the bonus that we could submit European Johnny Foreigners to cavity explorations at Stansted before reverting them on the next flight to Dsseldorf. By compare, soft Brexit would entail us getting boundless quilted toilet rolls and cute puppies in exchange for declaring more immigrants than you have been able shake a stick at. Merely kidding. Soft Brexit means we might follow a similar course to Norway, which is a member of the single market and has to accept the free movement of beings as a result.

Which of these we get, hard or soft, is unsure but, given that the EU negotiating team seems akin to a ruthless, spirited and enviably joined Jamaican 4×100 relay unit and their British counterparts resemble a fractious, red-faced, bumbling PTA tug-of-war team called into action after investing too much time in the school fete Pimms tent, I wouldnt be anticipating good news.

That did, let me request this: youve read Karl Ove Knausgrds unstoppably self-indulgent multi-volume memoirs. Doesnt that put you off aspiring to emulate Norwegians? Me, too.

The rocky street to Dublin just got rockier

May suggests she is committed to a frictionless, seamless frontier between the Republic of Ireland and Northern Ireland. This, like other Maybot tropes such as Brexit intends Brexit, or strong and stable, or Im absolutely clear about this, makes less and less at the longer you think about it. If there remain no passport checks at the Irish border post-Brexit, Ireland could become a back door for EU immigrants wishing to come to the UK. That would make a disrespect of Mays aim of getting in-migration down to a sustainable degree, which she defines as being below 100,000 a year. This is an aspiration she suggests she wants to fulfil, since it is one assignment she took from the Brexit vote. If passport checks are instituted at the Irish border, that would serve to undermine the Good Friday agreement, which terminated the Troubles virtually 20 years ago. Since then the border has become marvellously invisible rather than flecked with nervous, tooled-up squaddies in watchtowers, which was no way to carry on.

Its fairly the reasonably old pickle, isnt it? There is an Irish story that is useful here. A motorist requests a passerby how to get to Dublin. If I wished to go to Dublin, comes the answer, I wouldnt start from here.

Read more: www.theguardian.com

READ MORE

Theresa May can’t impounded a resentment- and 15 more events we’ve learned since we voted leave

On Saturday, it will be a year since Britain afforded the proverbial up yours to Jacques Delors. And what have we learned? That there is only a hard Brexit and David Cameron likes expensive sheds

One year ago today, we knew so little. A YouGov poll on referendum daylight last year predicted a 52% to 48% continue succes and even arch-Brexiter Nigel Farage, for a moment, lost his insufferably oleaginous smirk as he conceded that it examined like remain will rim it. In the end, leave won by 51.9% to 48.1% on a turnout of 71.8%, with more than 30 million people voting. And Nigel Farage got his unacceptable grin back. What have we learned in the following time?

David Cameron would prefer to write his doubtless moronic if well-remunerated memoirs in a wheeled Oxfordshire molted rather than negotiate Brexit

Cameron quit as PM the morning after the referendum when it became clear Britain had voted to leave the EU. And who are in a position blamed him? His reassuringly expensive 25,000 molted has a wood-burning stove, dimmer swaps, sofa bed, sheeps woolen isolation and is coated in muted tints called clunch, mouses back and old-time grey. By compare, the EU negotiating team are semi-housetrained polecats even now spewing in French about chewing their opposite number genitals in some hellishly overheated conference room somewhere just awful like Brussels. Probably.

Buses lie

The slogan on the leave battlebus claimed that Brexit would produce 350 m a week for the NHS. Shortly after the referendum, one prominent leave activist, Iain Duncan Smith, said: I never said that during the course of the election. The 350 m was an extrapolation of the 19.1 bn thats the total amount of money we contributed across the European Union. What we actually said was a significant amount of it would go to the NHS. Not genuinely: leave safarus director Matthew Elliott tweeted during the referendum campaign: Gives yield our NHS the 350 m the EU takes every week. And that wasnt true-life: Britain had negotiated a deduction, paying merely 285 m a few weeks. Nor was it clear that everything EU costs could be channelled directly into health services. The leading say of the leave safarus, then, was based on a false prospectus and may have led to the British people voting for something they might well have opposed if they had the facts. Just saying.

Jean-Claude
Jean-Claude Juncker. Photograph: Patrick Seeger/ EPA

“Theres only” hard Brexit

The EU negotiating team has put all our stuff on the lawn and is shrieking from an upstairs opening that we were never that good in couch anyway. What is I forged all those orgasms in French or Polish? We had better catch out because were going to be hearing that a lot in the next few months, as our menage with the EU comes to a bitter end. According to the European Commissions president, Jean-Claude Juncker, the exit invoice for the UK will be at least 60 bn( 52.7 bn ), while, according to reports in the Financial Times, EU negotiators have since upped the bill to 100bn, to encompas post-Brexit farm remittances and pays and admin fees in 2019 and 2020 when, if youll allow me some detonators lock outrage, WE WONT EVEN BE MEMBERS OF THE EU ANY MORE. How bitterly sardonic: didnt we select Brexit, in part, so we didnt “re going to have to” subsidise economically unviable, probably drunk-off-their-asses French farmers, and faceless Brussels bureaucrats? You just knowing that? We perhaps did.

Our brand-new mates are international pariah

In the spring, the transaction administrator Liam Fox handed an indication of how Britain would develop post-Brexit stronger, fairer, more united and more outward-looking person when he visited the Philippines to negotiate a swap deal withRodrigo Duerte, the Filipino president. Duerte has publicly fostered civilians to kill drug addict, and lives the career dream Ive been privately encouraging since elementary school, namely that of becoming an international pariah. At the same time, Theresa May was in Saudi Arabia as part of a wider authority great efforts to shore up the UKs trading position after Brexit and, even though they are, declined to condemn the Saudi-led bombing in Yemen, even though it is estimated to have killed more than 10,000 civilians and displaced more than three million people. There is a real danger that, in our desperation to conclude sell slews, respect for human rights, which exist in every EU contract, will just go out of the window, said elderly Labour MP Harriet Harman. Yes, but with respect, Harriet, its only remoaners like you who make a ape about natives human rights or lives when Britains trade deficit needs correcting.

Theresa May isnt a bloody difficult lady

Not genuinely. Yes, she did say: During the Conservative party leadership safarus, I was described by one of all my fellow members as a blood difficult dame. And I said at the time the next person to find that out will be Jean-Claude Juncker. But, just as the first the principles of the rule of Fight Club is that you do not talk about Fight Club, the first rule of being difficult is not to go on about it. Just do it. Talking about it aint gonna make it happen, girlfriend.

Oh,
Oh, Kate. How could you. Photograph: Gered Mankowitz/ Record Company Handout

The balmy dates of last November are over

Remember when everyones favourite music-and-movement interpreter of Emily Bronts oeuvre, Kate Bush, announced that May is excellent and best available happen thats happened to us in a long time? This was during the heady hiatus before Mays disastrous referendum win, after which she was obliged to ritually crawl up the Mall in leather trousers, murderous her hands and knees as passers-by hissed: Whos strong and stable now, eh ?, to beg the Queen to permit her to form the next government. At least thats how I remember it. By the ways and means of that hubristic electoral catastrophe, May ceded a parliamentary majority in favour of being obliged to suck up to a bunch of cheerless Ulster homophobes( no offence ) to hinder her and her cold-hearted, good-ideas-free crew in bureau( again no offence ), all the while testifying herself with every breaking-news story to be strong and unstable and temperamentally incapable to negotiate Brexit. How much side-eye am I granting Kate Bush right now? So much.

The extending EU negotiator does a creepy Dr Evil parody

Read Michel Barniers following statements in a ominou accent while stroking an imaginary feline. If you like strolling in the mountains, you have to learn a certain number of rules, he said, soon after May had recalled from a walking tour of Snowdonia to announce a stupid snap referendum. You have to learn to put one foot in front of the other … You likewise have to look at what accidents might befall you You have to have stamina because it could be a long street. Is it just me or did that definitely sounds like Moriarty obliquely questioning a death menace to Sherlock at the Reichenbach Falls? Is Barnier planning to kill our “ministers “ with an frost select as she trolls all over the Alps singing Happy Wanderer with her Woody Allen-clone of a spouse? Because thats how it resounded to me.

How terrifying is the EUs chief negotiator? In the olden days, the Sun would have mercilessly satirised his surname. Remember when they put it to a former EU commission president with their Up yours, Delors! splashing? But have they dared to announce him Barmy Barnier in 72 -point uppercases? No, because he will probably put a ten-strike out on them as well, if they did. Hes just that intimidating.

Even the English communication is taking a punishment-beating, post-Brexit

Slowly but surely, English is losing its importance in Europe, said Juncker during a addres in Italy last month. And he said the rest of his speech in French, only to fix the detail. Surely, Juncker can probably say I forged all those orgasms in each of the many EU languages. What a guy!

Sympathy for Jean-Claude. If Juncker has any animus to this island nation, its in part because during the referendum campaign, our tabloids reported the insult that “his fathers” was a Nazi. It was unjust and disgusting, he told the FT. Just perhaps, Britain is deriving what its post-truth hatemongers sowed. Thanks for that, tabloids.

Every experience I write Brexit, the autocorrect changes it to Breast

This is the only good stuff that has happened in politics in the past year.

Michael Gove is back

Lord, it was hard to write that last sentence. Wasnt the most wonderful concept about Mays first administration that she had been able to bin him off? But months later, hes back as medium secretary, demonstrating, if nothing else, that May cant hold on to anything for long not a programme , not a parliamentary majority , not even a grudge. Just to review: she trenched two manifesto pledges in the Queens speech( legalising fox hunting and creating more grammar school ), but produced her old-time antagonist back into the cabinet. What a dithering regret she is. Although Ill say this for her: at least she isnt Gove. Was it simply me who practically lost their dinner watching footage of Gove plodding down the street with a smug grin on his appearance when it was reiterated on Have I Got News for You last Friday? Of course it wasnt.

Amber
Amber Rudd. Photograph: Hannah Mckay/ Reuters

The epithet of Theresa Mays most probably successor is an anagram of Bad Murder

If May is collapsed this summer either on a crevasse above Klosters by some of Barmy Barniers ski-masked lackeys or, more likely, by the Reactionary 1922 Committee then Amber Rudd is tipped supersede her, even though the home secretary is about as is suitable for purpose as Joey Barton is for becoming a galctico . Still, at the least she would be better than the evident comic that is Boris Johnson. Better Britain is helmed by PM Bad Murder than this gaffe-prone berk( Johnson lost his marriage resounding within an hour of getting married ), inventor of references( for which he was fired from the Times ), witless calumniser of scousers, witless calumniser of Papua New Guineans and most incompetent foreign ministers since Lord Halifax.

The Farage farago is, paws intersected, over

There is good news. We never need use the term Strewth, Paul Nuttall is on the radio talking cobblers again, thanks to Ukips dire electoral execution. Plus, Farage, his predecessor, has realised his true occupation not stirring the post-truth action for Brexit, but getting on his knees and smooching when in the vicinity of the 45 th US chairmen maybe unspeakable derriere. He has called Trump amazing and superb and claimed that the president had some good beings behind him, such as Kellyanne Conway. You remember Conway, the aide who expended the expression alternative information to apologize colleague Sean Spicers lies. Fine judge of character.

Its is not simply Theresa May who is doing an parody of Tigger unbounced

Reflecting on her partys referendum loss of 21 Westminster seats, Nicola Sturgeon, the SNP leader, searched pleasingly glum as she conceded that her a blueprint for the worlds worst neologism, Indyref2, were undoubtedly a factor in the disappointing solutions. Sturgeon had hoped for a second independence referendum in 2019, so Scotland could elude the hard Brexit she feared Mays government would impose, like a sissy, sneaky Sassenach trick on her proud Braveheart-like parties, but, when she makes a statement next Tuesday on the question, shes likely to step back from that fanciful timetable.

They say Rhyl is very nice this time of year

Ever since the referendum develop, the pound has been buying fewer euros or dollars and currency experts believe its ethic will remain in the long term at least 10% below what it was this time last year. Which makes, apart from anything else, and absolutely unacceptably, Im compensating more for my Italian truffle petroleum than ever. Its also why Marmite rates more, although, given that Marmite savours like a sweaty crotch mixed with beef extract, I can live with that. One obvious corollary is that we must forget Florida, the Cte dAzur or Umbria this summer, and instead cuddle the staycation, rediscovering our Churchillian bulldog spirit for pushing gulls for the last of our chips on windswept north Wales beaches as unstoppable gales roar in from the Irish Sea.

The discrepancies between hard and soft showed( ultimately !)

A hard Brexit would be likely to see the UK throw in full access to the single market and the customs union, with the bonus that we could submit European Johnny Strangers to cavity investigations at Stansted before returning them on the next flight to Dsseldorf. By oppose, soft Brexit would necessitate us get limitless quilted toilet rolls and cute puppies in exchange for declaring more immigrants than they are able to shake a stick at. Merely kidding. Soft Brexit means we might follow a similar course to Norway, which is a member of the internal market and has to accept the free movement of parties as a result.

Which of these we get, hard or soft, is ambiguous but, bearing in mind the fact that the EU negotiating team seems akin to a ruthless, spirited and enviably joined Jamaican 4×100 communicate squad and their British counterparts resemble a fractious, red-faced, bumbling PTA tug-of-war team called into action after investing too much time in the school fete Pimms tent, I wouldnt be anticipating good news.

That said, let me ask this: youve speak Karl Ove Knausgrds unstoppably self-indulgent multi-volume memoirs. Doesnt that put you off aspiring to emulate Norwegians? Me, too.

The bumpy road to Dublin just got rockier

May says she is committed to a frictionless, seamless frontier between the Republic of Ireland and Northern Ireland. This, like other Maybot tropes such as Brexit represents Brexit, or solid and stable, or Im absolutely clear about this, signifies less and less at the longer you think about it. If there remain no passport checks at the Irish border post-Brexit, Ireland could become a back entrance for EU immigrants wishing to come to the UK. That would make a laughter of Mays aim of going migration down to a sustainable stage, which she defines as being below 100,000 a year. This is an aspiration she says she wants to fulfil, since it is one exercise she took from the Brexit vote. If passport checks are instituted at the Irish border, that would serve to undermine the Good Friday correspondence, which aimed the Troubles almost 20 years ago. Since then the border has already become marvellously invisible rather than speck with anxious, tooled-up squaddies in watchtowers, which was no way to carry on.

Its quite the jolly age-old pickle, isnt it? There is an Irish story that is useful here. A operator expects a passerby how to get to Dublin. If I wished to go to Dublin, comes the answer, I wouldnt start from here.

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Theresa May can’t braced a enmity- and 15 more events we’ve learned since we voted leave

On Saturday, it will be a year since Britain dedicated the proverbial up yours to Jacques Delors. And what have we learned? That there is only a hard Brexit and David Cameron likes expensive sheds

One year ago today, we knew so few. A YouGov poll on referendum period last year prophesied a 52% to 48% continue victory and even arch-Brexiter Nigel Farage, for a moment, lost his insufferably oleaginous grin as he conceded that it examined like continue will margin it. In the end, leave triumphed by 51.9% to 48.1% on a turnout of 71.8%, with more than 30 million people voting. And Nigel Farage got his unacceptable grinning back. What have we learned in the following year?

David Cameron would prefer to write his doubtless silly if well-remunerated memoirs in a wheeled Oxfordshire molted rather than negotiate Brexit

Cameron quit as PM the morning after the referendum when it became clear Britain had voted to leave the EU. And who are in a position blamed him? His reassuringly expensive 25,000 molted has a wood-burning stave, dimmer buttons, sofa bed, sheeps fleece insulation and is decorated in subdued subtleties announced clunch, mouses back and old grey. By oppose, the EU negotiating team are semi-housetrained polecats even now spitting in French about chewing their opposite number genitals in some hellishly overheated conference room somewhere just awful like Brussels. Probably.

Buses lie

The slogan on the leave battlebus claimed that Brexit would produce 350 m a few weeks for the NHS. Shortly after the referendum, one foremost leave campaigner, Iain Duncan Smith, said: I never “re just saying that” during the course of the election. The 350 m was an extrapolation of the 19.1 bn thats the total amount of fund we held in all the regions of the European union. What we actually said was a significant amount of it would go to the NHS. Not genuinely: leave safarus director Matthew Elliott tweeted during the referendum campaign: Makes cause our NHS the 350 m the EU takes every week. And that wasnt true-life: Britain had negotiated a dismis, compensating merely 285 m a few weeks. Nor was it clear that all EU costs could be channelled straight-shooting into health services. The guiding assert of the leave campaign, then, was based on a untrue prospectus and may have led to the British beings voting for something they might well have opposed if they had the facts. Just saying.

Jean-Claude
Jean-Claude Juncker. Photo: Patrick Seeger/ EPA

There is only hard Brexit

The EU negotiating team has put all our trash on the lawn and is screaming from an upstairs window that we were never that good in bottom regardless. What is I forged all those orgasms in French or Polish? We had better find out because were going to be hearing that a lot in the next few months, as our menage with the EU comes to a bitter end. According to the European Commissions president, Jean-Claude Juncker, the departure greenback for the UK will be at least 60 bn( 52.7 bn ), while, according to reports in the Financial Times, EU negotiators had now been upped the legislation to 100bn, to handle post-Brexit farm pays and fees and admin fees in 2019 and 2020 when, if youll allow me some caps lock outrage, WE WONT EVEN BE MEMBERS OF THE EU ANY MORE. How bitterly sardonic: didnt we prefer Brexit, in part, this is why we didnt “re going to have to” subsidise economically unviable, probably drunk-off-their-asses French farmers, and faceless Brussels bureaucrats? You just knowing that? We maybe did.

Our new teammates are international pariahs

In the springtime, the commerce minister Liam Fox opened an indication of how Britain would rise post-Brexit stronger, fairer, more united and more outward-looking nation when he saw the Philippines to negotiate a sell enter into negotiations withRodrigo Duerte, the Filipino president. Duerte has publicly helped civilians to kill drug addict, and lives the career dreaming Ive been privately fostering since grammar school, namely that of becoming an international pariah. At the same era, Theresa May was in Saudi Arabia as part of a wider authority effort to shore up the UKs trading position after Brexit and, while there, declined to condemn the Saudi-led bombing in Yemen, even though it is estimated to have killed more than 10,000 civilians and displaced more than 3 million people. There is a real danger that, in our desperation to conclude craft treats, respect for human rights, which exist in every EU contract, will just go out of the window, said senior Labour MP Harriet Harman. Yes, but with respect, Harriet, its alone remoaners like you who hold a monkey about strangers human rights or lives when Britains trade deficit needs correcting.

Theresa May isnt a vicious difficult maiden

Not truly. Yes, she did say: During the Republican party leadership campaign, I was described by one of my colleagues as a murderou difficult lady. And I said at the time the next person to find that out is likely to be Jean-Claude Juncker. But, just as the first the principles of the rule of Fight Club is that you do not talk about Fight Club, the first rule of being difficult is not to go on about it. Just do it. Talking about it aint gonna make it happen, girlfriend.

Oh,
Oh, Kate. How could you. Photograph: Gered Mankowitz/ Record Company Handout

The balmy days of last-place November are over

Remember when everyone else favourite music-and-movement interpreter of Emily Bronts oeuvre, Kate Bush, announced that May is superb and best available concept thats happened to us in a long time? This was during the heady hiatus before Mays cataclysmic ballot win, after which she was obliged to ritually crawl up the Mall in leather trousers, bloodying her hands and knees as passers-by whoosh: Whos strong and stable now, eh ?, to beg the Queen to let her to form the next administration. At least thats how I remember it. By means of that hubristic electoral tragedy, May surrendered a parliamentary majority in favour of being obliged to suck up to a bunch of cheerless Ulster homophobes( no offence ) to stop her and her cold-hearted, good-ideas-free crew in part( again no offence ), all the while proving herself with every breaking-news story to be strong and unstable and temperamentally incompetent to negotiate Brexit. How much side-eye am I generating Kate Bush right now? So much.

The passing EU negotiator does a creepy Dr Evil parody

Read Michel Barniers following mentions in a malevolent accent while stroking an imaginary cat. If you like strolling in the mountains, you have to learn a certain number of rules, he said, soon after May had returned from a walking tour of Snowdonia to announce a stupid snap ballot. You have to learn to put one foot in front of the other … You likewise have to look at what accidents might befall you You have to have stamina because it could be a long direction. Is it only me or did that sound like Moriarty obliquely problem a extinction menace to Sherlock at the Reichenbach Falls? Is Barnier planning to kill our prime minister with an sparkler collect as she trolls around the Alps singing Glad Wanderer with her Woody Allen-clone of a marriage? Because thats how it voiced to me.

How terrifying is the EUs chief negotiator? In the olden days, the Sun would have mercilessly satirised his surname. Remember when they put it to a former EU commission president with their Up yours, Delors! sprinkle? But have they dared to see him Barmy Barnier in 72 -point uppercases? No, because he is very likely to employed a stumble out on them as well, if they did. Hes just that intimidating.

Even the English usage is taking a punishment-beating, post-Brexit

Slowly but surely, English is losing its importance in Europe, said Juncker during a lecture in Italy last month. And he said the rest of his speech in French, precisely to fix the object. Indeed, Juncker can probably say I faked all those orgasms in each of the many EU languages. What a guy!

Sympathy for Jean-Claude. If Juncker has any animus to this island commonwealth, its in part because during the course of its referendum safarus, our tabloids reported the innuendo that his father was a Nazi. It was unjust and disgusting, he told the FT. Just perhaps, Britain is deriving what its post-truth hatemongers broadcasted. Thanks for that, tabloids.

Every day I write Brexit, the autocorrect changes it to Breast

This is the only good thing that has happened in politics in the past year.

Michael Gove is back

Lord, it was hard to write that last sentence. Wasnt the most wonderful event about Mays firstly administration that she had been able to bin him off? But months later, hes back as environ secretary, testifying, if nothing else, that May cant hold on to anything for long not a programme , not a parliamentary majority , not even a bitternes. Just to review: she trenched two manifesto pledges in the Queens speech( legalising fox hunting and creating more grade school ), but introduced her age-old antagonist back into the cabinet. What a dithering misfortune she is. Although Ill say this for her: at the least she isnt Gove. Was it precisely me who roughly lost their dinner watching footage of Gove jogging down wall street with a smug grin on his appearance when it was echoed on Have I Got News for You last-place Friday? Of course it wasnt.

Amber
Amber Rudd. Image: Hannah Mckay/ Reuters

The call of Theresa Mays most probably successor is an anagram of Bad Murder

If May is toppled this summer either on a chasm above Klosters by some of Barmy Barniers ski-masked lackeys or, more likely, by the Conservative 1922 Committee then Amber Rudd is tipped oust her, although there are the home secretary is about as fit for purpose as Joey Barton is for becoming a galctico . Still, at the least she would be better than the evident comic that is Boris Johnson. Better Britain is helmed by PM Bad Murder than this gaffe-prone berk( Johnson lost his uniting ring within an hour of are married ), inventor of quotes( for which he was fired from the Times ), witless calumniser of scousers, witless calumniser of Papua New Guineans and most inept foreign secretary since Lord Halifax.

The Farage farago is, thumbs traversed, over

There is good news. We never need use the term Strewth, Paul Nuttall is on the radio talking cobblers again, thanks to Ukips dreadful electoral achievement. Plus, Farage, his predecessor, has realised his true vocation not constructing the post-truth suit for Brexit, but getting on his knees and smooching when in the vicinity of the 45 th US chairmen perhaps horrible derriere. He has called Trump amazing and superb and claimed that the president had some good parties behind him, such as Kellyanne Conway. You recollect Conway, the aide who employed the expression alternative information to apologize colleague Sean Spicers lies. Fine judge of character.

Its is not simply Theresa May who is doing an parody of Tigger unbounced

Reflecting on her partys election loss of 21 Westminster seats, Nicola Sturgeon, the SNP leader, gazed pleasingly glum as she conceded that her a blueprint for “the worlds” worst neologism, Indyref2, were undoubtedly a factor in the disappointing causes. Sturgeon had hoped for a second independence referendum in 2019, so Scotland could evade the hard Brexit she feared Mays authority would inflict, like a coward, sneaky Sassenach trick on her proud Braveheart-like parties, but, when she makes a statement next Tuesday on the question, shes likely to step back from that fanciful timetable.

They say Rhyl is very nice this time of year

Ever since the referendum upshot, the pound has been buying fewer euros or dollars and money experts believe its value will remain in the long term at the least 10% below what it was this time last year. Which symbolizes, apart from anything else, and totally unacceptably, Im paying more for my Italian truffle petroleum than ever. Its also why Marmite rates more, although, given that Marmite feelings like a sweaty crotch mixed with beef remove, I can live with that. One obvious corollary is that we must forget Florida, the Cte dAzur or Umbria this summer, and instead embrace the staycation, rediscovering our Churchillian bulldog flavor for opposing chumps for the last of our microchips on windswept north Wales beaches as unstoppable typhoons roar in from the Irish Sea.

The difference between hard and soft clarified( ultimately !)

A hard Brexit would be likely to see the UK throw in full access to the single market and the customs union, with the bonus that we are capable of submit European Johnny Natives to cavity searches at Stansted before recalling them on the next flight to Dsseldorf. By differ, soft Brexit would involve us getting limitless quilted toilet rolls and cute puppies in exchange for acknowledging more immigrants than you can shake a stick at. Merely kidding. Soft Brexit means we might follow a similar direction to Norway, which is a member of the internal market and has to accept the free movement of beings as a result.

Which of these we get, hard or soft, is ambiguous but, given that the EU negotiating team seems akin to a ruthless, spirited and enviably joined Jamaican 4×100 communicate crew and their British equivalents resemble a fractious, red-faced, bumbling PTA tug-of-war team called into action after investing too much time in the school fete Pimms tent, I wouldnt be anticipating good news.

That said, let me expect this: youve speak Karl Ove Knausgrds unstoppably self-indulgent multi-volume memoirs. Doesnt that put you off aspiring to emulate Norwegians? Me, too.

The bumpy street to Dublin just got rockier

May says she is committed to a frictionless, seamless margin between the Republic of Ireland and Northern Ireland. This, like other Maybot tropes such as Brexit necessitates Brexit, or strong and stable, or Im absolutely clear about this, necessitates less and less at the longer you think about it. If there remain no passport checks at the Irish border post-Brexit, Ireland could become a back door for EU immigrants wishing to come to the UK. That would make a mockery of Mays aim of going immigration down to a sustainable level, which she defines as being below 100,000 a year. This is an aspiration she says she wants to fulfil, since it is one lesson she took from the Brexit vote. If passport checks are instituted at the Irish border, that would serve to undermine the Good Friday agreement, which intention the Troubles nearly 20 years ago. Since then the border has already become marvellously invisible rather than dotted with apprehensive, tooled-up squaddies in watchtowers, which was no way to carry on.

Its quite the fairly old pickle, isnt it? There is an Irish story that is useful here. A motorist asks a passerby how to get to Dublin. If I wished to go to Dublin, comes the acknowledgment, I wouldnt start from here.

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Theresa May can’t contained a bitternes- and 15 more stuffs we’ve learned since we voted leave

On Saturday, it will be a year since Britain dedicated the proverbial up yours to Jacques Delors. And what have we learned? That there is only a hard Brexit and David Cameron likes expensive sheds

One year ago today, we knew so few. A YouGov poll on referendum epoch last year prophesied a 52% to 48% continue succes and even arch-Brexiter Nigel Farage, for a moment, lost his insufferably oleaginous grin as he conceded that it examined like persist will edge it. In the end, leave prevailed by 51.9% to 48.1% on a turnout of 71.8%, with more than 30 million people voting. And Nigel Farage got his unacceptable grinning back. What have we learned in the following time?

David Cameron would prefer to write his doubtless ludicrous if well-remunerated memoirs in a wheeled Oxfordshire shed rather than negotiate Brexit

Cameron quit as PM the morning after the referendum when it became clear Britain had voted to leave the EU. And who can blamed him? His reassuringly expensive 25,000 molted has a wood-burning stave, dimmer swaps, sofa bed, sheeps wool isolation and is covered in softened tints announced clunch, mouses back and old-time white-hot. By oppose, the EU negotiating team are semi-housetrained polecats even now spitting in French about chewing their opposite numbers genitals in some hellishly overheated conference room somewhere just awful like Brussels. Probably.

Buses lie

The slogan on the leave battlebus claimed that Brexit would relent 350 m a few weeks for the NHS. Shortly after the referendum, one foremost leave campaigner, Iain Duncan Smith, supposed: I never said that during the course of such elections. The 350 m was an extrapolation of the 19.1 bn thats the total amount of money we established across the European union. What we actually told was a significant amount of it would go to the NHS. Not certainly: leave campaign administrator Matthew Elliott tweeted during the referendum campaign: Tells cause our NHS the 350 m the EU takes every week. And that wasnt true-life: Britain had negotiated a deduction, compensating simply 285 m a few weeks. Nor was it clear that everything EU fees could be channelled straight into health services. The passing declaration of the leave campaign, then, was based on a incorrect prospectus and may have led to the British beings voting for something they might well have opposed if the government has the facts of the case. Just saying.

Jean-Claude
Jean-Claude Juncker. Photo: Patrick Seeger/ EPA

There is only hard Brexit

The EU negotiating team has put all our material on the lawn and is yelling from an upstairs space that we were never that good in bottom anyway. What is I forged all those orgasms in French or Polish? We had better catch out because were going to be hearing that a lot in the next few months, as our menage with the EU comes to a bitter end. Harmonizing to the European Commissions president, Jean-Claude Juncker, the departure greenback for the UK will be at least 60 bn( 52.7 bn ), while, according to reports in the Financial Times, EU negotiators have since upped the greenback to 100bn, to covering post-Brexit farm payments and pays and admin fees in 2019 and 2020 when, if youll allow me some detonators lock outrage, WE WONT EVEN BE MEMBERS OF THE EU ANY MORE. How bitterly ironic: didnt we elect Brexit, in part, this is why we didnt “re going to have to” subsidise economically unviable, likely drunk-off-their-asses French farmers, and faceless Brussels bureaucrats? You just knowing that? We likely did.

Our brand-new teammates are international pariahs

In the springtime, the sell administrator Liam Fox gave an indication of how Britain would emerge post-Brexit stronger, fairer, more united and more outward-looking society when he called the Philippines to negotiate a busines is being dealt withRodrigo Duerte, the Filipino president. Duerte has publicly inspired civilians to kill drug addicts, and lives the career fantasy Ive been secretly encouraging since primary school, namely that of becoming an international pariah. At the same hour, Theresa May was in Saudi Arabia as part of a wider government effort to shore up the UKs trading position after Brexit and, even though they are, declined to condemn the Saudi-led bombing in Yemen, even though it is estimated to have killed more than 10,000 civilians and displaced more than 3 million people. There is a real danger that, in our desperation to conclude trade batches, respect for human rights, which is in every EU contract, will just go out of the window, told elderly Labour MP Harriet Harman. Yes, but with respect, Harriet, its only remoaners like you who pay a monkey about immigrants human rights or lives when Britains trade deficit needs correcting.

Theresa May isnt a bloody difficult female

Not really. Yes, she did say: During the Republican party leadership expedition, I was described by one of my colleagues as a blood difficult girl. And I did at the time the next person to find that out is likely to be Jean-Claude Juncker. But, just as the first rule of Fight Club is that you do not talking here Fight Club, the first the principles of the rule of being difficult is not to go on about it. Just do it. Talking about it aint gonna make it happen, girlfriend.

Oh,
Oh, Kate. How could you. Photograph: Gered Mankowitz/ Record Company Handout

The balmy periods of last November are over

Remember when everyone else favourite music-and-movement translator of Emily Bronts oeuvre, Kate Bush, announced that May is marvelous and the best situation thats happened to us in a very long time? This was during the exhilarating hiatus before Mays cataclysmic election win, after which she was obliged to ritually crawl up the Mall in leather trousers, bloodying her mitts and knees as passers-by hissed: Whos solid and stable now, eh ?, to beg the Queen to earmark her to form the next administration. At least thats how I remember it. By means of that hubristic electoral tragedy, May surrendered a parliamentary majority in favour of being is under an obligation to suck up to a bunch of cheerless Ulster homophobes( no offence ) to remain her and her cold-hearted, good-ideas-free crew in place( again no offence ), all the while substantiating herself with every breaking-news story to be feeble and precarious and temperamentally incapable to negotiate Brexit. How much side-eye am I making Kate Bush right now? So much.

The guiding EU negotiator does a spooky Dr Evil parody

Read Michel Barniers following observes in a ominou accent while stroking an imaginary feline. If you like ambling in the mountains, you have to learn a certain number of rules, he remarked, soon after May had returned from a walking tour of Snowdonia to announce a stupid snap poll. You have to learn to put one foot in front of the other … You likewise have to look at what accidents might befall you You have to have stamina because it could be a long roadway. Is it only me or did that definitely sounds like Moriarty obliquely issuing a demise threat to Sherlock at the Reichenbach Falls? Is Barnier planning to kill our “ministers “ with an frost picking as she trolls around the Alps singing Glad Wanderer with her Woody Allen-clone of a marriage? Because thats how it reverberated to me.

How creepy is the EUs chief negotiator? In the olden days, the Sun would have mercilessly satirised his surname. Remember when they persisted it to a former EU commission president with their Up yours, Delors! splashing? But have they dared to request him Barmy Barnier in 72 -point capitals? No, because he is very likely to introduced a slam out on them as well, if they did. Hes just that intimidating.

Even the English communication is taking a punishment-beating, post-Brexit

Slowly but surely, English is losing its importance in Europe, did Juncker during a discussion in Italy last-place month. And he said the rest of his speech in French, only to fix the moment. Indeed, Juncker are likely do I faked all those orgasms in each of the many EU languages. What a person!

Sympathy for Jean-Claude. If Juncker has any animus to this island commonwealth, its in part because during the course of its referendum campaign, our tabloids reported the insult that his father was a Nazi. It was unfair and disgusting, he told the FT. Just possibly, Britain is deriving what its post-truth hatemongers broadcasted. Thanks for that, tabloids.

Every duration I write Brexit, the autocorrect changes it to Breast

This is the only good thing that has happened in politics in the past year.

Michael Gove is back

Lord, it was hard to write that last sentence. Wasnt the most wonderful situation about Mays first administration that she had been able to bin him off? But months later, hes back as situation secretary, demonstrating, if nothing else, that May cant hold on to anything for long not a plan , not a parliamentary majority , not even a animosity. Just to review: she ditched two manifesto pledges in the Queens speech( legalising fox hunting and creating more grade school ), but drew her age-old enemy back into the cabinet. What a dithering misfortune she is. Although Ill say this for her: at least she isnt Gove. Was it exactly me who roughly lost their dinner watching footage of Gove running down wall street with a smug grin on his look when it was reproduced on Have I Got News for You last Friday? Of track it wasnt.

Amber
Amber Rudd. Photo: Hannah Mckay/ Reuters

The epithet of Theresa Mays most probably successor is an anagram of Bad Murder

If May is unseated the summer months either on a crack above Klosters by some of Barmy Barniers ski-masked lackeys or, most likely, by the Conservatives 1922 Committee then Amber Rudd is tipped replace her, even though the minister of the interior is about as fit for purpose as Joey Barton is for becoming a galctico . Still, at the least she would be better than the evident buffoon that is Boris Johnson. Better Britain is helmed by PM Bad Murder than this gaffe-prone berk( Johnson lost his wedding ring within an hour of getting married ), inventor of quotations( for which he was fired from the Times ), witless calumniser of scousers, witless calumniser of Papua New Guineans and most inept foreign secretary since Lord Halifax.

The Farage farago is, fingers spanned, over

There is good news. We never need use the word Strewth, Paul Nuttall is on the radio talking cobblers again, thanks to Ukips dreary electoral accomplishment. Plus, Farage, his precede, has realised his true job not seeing the post-truth event for Brexit, but getting on his knees and smooching when in the vicinity of the 45 th US chairpeople probably horrible derriere. He has called Trump amazing and superb and claimed that the president had some good people behind him, such as Kellyanne Conway. You remember Conway, the aide who used the expression alternative details to apologize colleague Sean Spicers lies. Fine judge of character.

Its is not simply Theresa May who is doing an parody of Tigger unbounced

Reflecting on her partys referendum loss of 21 Westminster fannies, Nicola Sturgeon, the SNP leader, gazed pleasingly glum as she conceded that her plans for the worlds worst neologism, Indyref2, were undoubtedly a factor in the disappointing outcomes. Sturgeon had hoped for a second independence referendum in 2019, so Scotland could evade the hard Brexit she feared Mays authority would impose, like a sissy, sneaky Sassenach trick on her proud Braveheart-like people, but, when she makes a statement next Tuesday on the question, shes likely to step back from that fanciful timetable.

They speak Rhyl is very nice this time of year

Ever since the referendum make, the pound has been buying fewer euros or dollars and currency experts believe its value will remain in the long term at least 10% below what it was this time last year. Which entails, apart from anything else, and altogether unacceptably, Im more for my Italian truffle oil than ever. Its also why Marmite expenses more, although, considering the fact that Marmite flavours like a sweaty crotch mixed with beef extract, I can live with that. One obvious corollary is that we must forget Florida, the Cte dAzur or Umbria this summer, and instead espouse the staycation, rediscovering our Churchillian bulldog being for campaigning gulls for the last of our chippings on windswept north Wales beaches as unstoppable gales roar in from the Irish Sea.

The difference between hard and soft explained( ultimately !)

A hard Brexit would be likely to see the UK dispense with full access to the single market and the customs union, with the bonus that we are capable of submit European Johnny Immigrants to cavity pursuits at Stansted before reverting them on the next flight to Dsseldorf. By compare, soft Brexit would necessitate us getting inexhaustible quilted toilet rolls and cute puppies in exchange for acknowledging more immigrants than you can shake a stick at. Merely kidding. Soft Brexit means we might follow a same route to Norway, which is a member of the single market and has to accept the free movement of parties as a result.

Which of these we get, hard or soft, is unclear but, given that the EU negotiating team seems akin to a ruthless, spirited and enviably joined Jamaican 4×100 communicate squad and their British equivalents resemble a fractious, red-faced, bumbling PTA tug-of-war team called into action after investing too much time in the school fete Pimms tent, I wouldnt be anticipating good news.

That alleged, let me expect this: youve read Karl Ove Knausgrds unstoppably self-indulgent multi-volume memoirs. Doesnt that put you off aspiring to mimic Norwegians? Me, too.

The rocky road to Dublin just got rockier

May mentions she is committed to a frictionless, seamless border between the Republic of Ireland and Northern Ireland. This, like other Maybot tropes such as Brexit symbolizes Brexit, or solid and stable, or Im absolutely clear about this, entails fewer and less at the longer you think about it. If there remain no passport checks at the Irish border post-Brexit, Ireland could become a back door for EU immigrants wishing to come to the UK. That would make a mockery of Mays aim of get in-migration down to a sustainable stage, which she defines as being below 100,000 a year. This is an aspiration she says she wants to fulfil, since it is one lesson she took from the Brexit vote. If passport checks are instituted at the Irish border, that would serve to undermine the Good Friday agreement, which resolved the Troubles nearly 20 years ago. Since then the border has already become marvellously invisible rather than scattered with anxious, tooled-up squaddies in watchtowers, which was no way to carry on.

Its quite the reasonably old pickle, isnt it? There is an Irish story that is useful here. A operator expects a passerby how to get to Dublin. If I wished to go to Dublin, succeeds the reply, I wouldnt start from here.

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Theresa May can’t hampered a grudge- and 15 more happenings we’ve learned since we voted leave

On Saturday, it will be a year since Britain rendered the proverbial up yours to Jacques Delors. And what have we learned? That there is only a hard Brexit and David Cameron likes expensive sheds

One year ago today, we knew so few. A YouGov poll on referendum daylight last year predicted a 52% to 48% stand victory and even arch-Brexiter Nigel Farage, for a moment, lost his insufferably oleaginous grin as he conceded that it ogled like remain will periphery it. In the end, leave won by 51.9% to 48.1% on a turnout of 71.8%, with more than 30 million people voting. And Nigel Farage got his unacceptable grin back. What have we learned in the ensuing time?

David Cameron would prefer to write his doubtless fatuous if well-remunerated memoirs in a wheeled Oxfordshire shed rather than negotiate Brexit

Cameron quit as PM the morning after the referendum when it became clear Britain had voted to leave the EU. And who are in a position blamed him? His reassuringly expensive 25,000 shed has a wood-burning stave, dimmer swaps, sofa bed, sheeps wool insularity and is decorated in muted shadows called clunch, mouses back and age-old white. By differentiate, the EU negotiating team are semi-housetrained polecats even now spitting in French about chewing their opposite number genitals in some hellishly overheated conference room somewhere just awful like Brussels. Probably.

Buses lie

The slogan on the leave battlebus claimed that Brexit would produce 350 m a week for the NHS. Shortly after the referendum, one prominent leave activist, Iain Duncan Smith, mentioned: I never said that during the course of the election. The 350 m was an extrapolation of the 19.1 bn thats the total amount of money we afforded in the various regions of the European Union. What we are really said was a significant amount of it would go to the NHS. Not genuinely: leave campaign chairman Matthew Elliott tweeted during the referendum campaign: Tells cause our NHS the 350 m the EU takes every week. And that wasnt true-blue: Britain had negotiated a reject, exclusively 285 m a week. Nor was it clear that all EU fees could be channelled straight into health services. The preceding assert of the leave safarus, then, was based on a spurious prospectus and may have led to the British parties voting for something they might well have opposed if they had the facts of the case. Just saying.

Jean-Claude
Jean-Claude Juncker. Photograph: Patrick Seeger/ EPA

There is only hard Brexit

The EU negotiating team has put all our substance on the lawn and is screeching from an upstairs window that we were never that good in berth anyway. What is I forgery all those orgasms in French or Polish? We had better catch out because were going to be hearing that a lot in the next few months, as our menage with the EU comes to a bitter end. According to the European Commissions president, Jean-Claude Juncker, the departure proposal for the UK will be at least 60 bn( 52.7 bn ), while, according to reports in the Financial Times, EU negotiators had now been upped the greenback to 100bn, to cover-up post-Brexit farm remittances and fees and admin costs in 2019 and 2020 when, if youll allow me some caps lock outrage, WE WONT EVEN BE MEMBERS OF THE EU ANY MORE. How bitterly sardonic: didnt we select Brexit, in part, so we didnt have to subsidise economically unviable, perhaps drunk-off-their-asses French farmers, and faceless Brussels bureaucrats? You just knowing that? We maybe did.

Our new copulates are international pariahs

In the springtime, the sell diplomat Liam Fox afforded an indication of how Britain would emerge post-Brexit stronger, fairer, more united and more outward-looking society when he inspected the Philippines to negotiate a commerce deal withRodrigo Duerte, the Filipino president. Duerte has publicly helped civilians to kill drug addicts, and lives the career reverie Ive been secretly nourishing since primary school, namely that of becoming an international pariah. At the same hour, Theresa May was in Saudi Arabia as part of a wider authority great efforts to shore up the UKs trading position after Brexit and, even though they are, declined to condemn the Saudi-led bombing in Yemen, even though it is estimated to have killed more than 10,000 civilians and displaced more than 3 million people. There is a real danger that, in our desperation to conclude craft slews, respect for human rights, which exist in every EU contract, will just go out of the window, replied senior Labour MP Harriet Harman. Yes, but with respect, Harriet, its only remoaners like you who establish a monkeys about foreigners human rights or lives when Britains trade deficit needs correcting.

Theresa May isnt a bloody difficult female

Not actually. Yes, she did say: During the Republican party leadership safarus, I was described by one of my colleagues as a murderou difficult girl. And I announced at the time the next person to find that out is likely to be Jean-Claude Juncker. But, just as the first the principles of the rule of Fight Club is that you do not talk about Fight Club, the first the principles of the rule of being difficult is not to go on about it. Just do it. Talking about it aint gonna make it happen, girlfriend.

Oh,
Oh, Kate. How could you. Photograph: Gered Mankowitz/ Record Company Handout

The balmy daytimes of last November are over

Remember when everyone else favourite music-and-movement translator of Emily Bronts oeuvre, Kate Bush, announced that May is superb and the best event thats happened to us in a very long time? This was during the heady hiatus before Mays cataclysmic election win, after which she was obliged to ritually crawl up the Mall in leather trousers, bloody-minded her sides and knees as passers-by hissed: Whos strong and stable now, eh ?, to beg the Queen to give her to form the next government. At least thats how I remember it. By means of that hubristic electoral cataclysm, May surrendered a parliamentary majority in favour of being is under an obligation to suck up to a bunch of cheerless Ulster homophobes( no offence ) to stop her and her cold-hearted, good-ideas-free crew in agency( again no offence ), all the while supporting herself with every breaking-news story to be strong and unstable and temperamentally unfit to negotiate Brexit. How much side-eye am I dedicating Kate Bush right now? So much.

The resulting EU negotiator does a terrifying Dr Evil parody

Read Michel Barniers following statements in a malevolent accent while stroking an imaginary cat. If you like sauntering in the mountains, you have to learn a certain number of rules, he replied, shortly after May had returned from a walking tour of Snowdonia to announce a stupid snap election. You have to learn to put one foot in front of the other … You likewise have to look at what accidents might befall you You have to have stamina because it could be a long route. Is it simply me or did that definitely sounds like Moriarty obliquely questioning a fatality threat to Sherlock at the Reichenbach Falls? Is Barnier planning to kill our prime minister with an ice collect as she trolls all over the Alps singing Happy Wanderer with her Woody Allen-clone of a spouse? Because thats how it clanged to me.

How terrifying is the EUs chief negotiator? In the olden days, the Sun would have mercilessly satirised his surname. Remember when they put it to a former EU commission president with their Up yours, Delors! splashing? But have they dared to summon him Barmy Barnier in 72 -point capitals? No, because he will probably introduced a affect out on them as well, if they did. Hes just that intimidating.

Even the English language is taking a punishment-beating, post-Brexit

Slowly but surely, English is losing its importance in Europe, announced Juncker during a discussion in Italy last-place month. And he said the rest of his speech in French, exactly to fix the detail. Indeed, Juncker can probably do I forgery all those orgasms in each of the many EU languages. What a guy!

Sympathy for Jean-Claude. If Juncker has any animus to this island society, its in part because during the course of its referendum expedition, our tabloids reported the insult that his father was a Nazi. It was unfair and disgusting, he told the FT. Just possibly, Britain is deriving what its post-truth hatemongers broadcasted. Thanks for that, tabloids.

Every era I write Brexit, the autocorrect changes it to Breast

This is the only good act that has happened in politics in the past year.

Michael Gove is back

Lord, it was hard to write that last sentence. Wasnt the most wonderful happening about Mays firstly administration that she had been able to bin him off? But months later, hes back as medium secretary, demonstrating, if nothing else, that May cant hold on to anything for long not a policy , not a parliamentary majority , not even a bitternes. Just to review: she trenched two manifesto pledges in the Queens speech( legalising fox hunting and creating more grade school ), but returned her old antagonist back into the cabinet. What a dithering chagrin she is. Although Ill say this for her: at the least she isnt Gove. Was it only me who nearly lost their dinner watching footage of Gove plodding down wall street with a smug grin on his face when it was reproduced on Have I Got News for You last Friday? Of course it wasnt.

Amber
Amber Rudd. Photograph: Hannah Mckay/ Reuters

The refer of Theresa Mays most likely successor is an anagram of Bad Murder

If May is toppled this summer either on a crack above Klosters by some of Barmy Barniers ski-masked lackeys or, more likely, by the Conservatives 1922 Committee then Amber Rudd is tipped supersede her, although there are the minister of the interior is about as fit for purpose as Joey Barton is for becoming a galctico . Still, at the least she would be better than the obvious comic that is Boris Johnson. Better Britain is helmed by PM Bad Murder than this gaffe-prone berk( Johnson lost his wedding ring within an hour of getting married ), inventor of references( for which he was fired from the Times ), witless calumniser of scousers, witless calumniser of Papua New Guineans and most incompetent foreign secretary since Lord Halifax.

The Farage farago is, paws spanned, over

There is good news. We never need use the word Strewth, Paul Nuttall is on the radio talking cobblers again, thanks to Ukips sad electoral accomplishment. Plus, Farage, his precede, has realised his true job not inducing the post-truth subject for Brexit, but getting on his knees and smooching when in the vicinity of the 45 th US chairpeople likely frightful derriere. He has called Trump amazing and superb and claimed that the president had some good people behind him, such as Kellyanne Conway. You remember Conway, the aide who employed the period alternative facts to vindicate colleague Sean Spicers lies. Fine judge of character.

Its not only Theresa May who is doing an parody of Tigger unbounced

Reflecting on her partys poll loss of 21 Westminster sits, Nicola Sturgeon, the SNP leader, looked pleasingly glum as she conceded that her a blueprint for “the worlds” worst neologism, Indyref2, were undoubtedly a factor in the disappointing causes. Sturgeon had hoped for a second independence referendum in 2019, so Scotland could baffle the hard Brexit she feared Mays authority would inflict, like a coward, sneaky Sassenach trick on her proud Braveheart-like beings, but, when she makes a statement next Tuesday on the question, shes likely to step back from that extravagant timetable.

They enunciate Rhyl is very nice this time of year

Ever since the referendum upshot, the pound has been buying fewer euros or dollars and money experts believe its significance will remain in the long term at least 10% below what it was this time last year. Which makes, apart from anything else, and altogether unacceptably, Im more for my Italian truffle lubricant than ever. Its also why Marmite payments more, although, considering the fact that Marmite smells like a sweaty crotch mixed with beef remove, I can live with that. One obvious corollary is that we must forget Florida, the Cte dAzur or Umbria this summer, and instead espouse the staycation, rediscovering our Churchillian bulldog spirit for opposing pigeons for the last of our chips on windswept north Wales beaches as unstoppable tornadoes roar in from the Irish Sea.

The difference between hard and soft interpreted( finally !)

A hard Brexit would be likely to see the UK dispense with full access to the single market and the customs union, with the bonus that we are capable of submit European Johnny Strangers to cavity inquiries at Stansted before recalling them on the next flight to Dsseldorf. By comparison, soft Brexit would imply us going unlimited quilted toilet rolls and cute puppies in exchange for acknowledging more immigrants than you are able to shake a stick at. Simply kidding. Soft Brexit means we might follow a similar course to Norway, which is a member of the single market and has to accept the free movement of people as a result.

Which of these we get, hard or soft, is unclear but, considering the fact that the EU negotiating team seems akin to a ruthless, spirited and enviably joined Jamaican 4×100 relay crew and their British counterparts resemble a fractious, red-faced, bumbling PTA tug-of-war team called into action after expending too much time in the school fete Pimms tent, I wouldnt be anticipating good news.

That suggested, let me expect this: youve speak Karl Ove Knausgrds unstoppably self-indulgent multi-volume memoirs. Doesnt that put you off aspiring to emulate Norwegians? Me, too.

The rocky street to Dublin just got rockier

May reads she is committed to a frictionless, seamless margin between the Republic of Ireland and Northern Ireland. This, like other Maybot tropes such as Brexit represents Brexit, or solid and stable, or Im absolutely clear about this, makes fewer and less at the longer you think about it. If there remain no passport checks at the Irish border post-Brexit, Ireland could become a back entrance for EU immigrants wishing to come to the UK. That would make a mockery of Mays aim of get immigration down to a sustainable height, which she defines as being below 100,000 a year. This is an aspiration she remarks she wants to fulfil, since it is one lesson she took from the Brexit vote. If passport checks are instituted at the Irish border, that would serve to undermine the Good Friday agreement, which resolved the Troubles nearly 20 years ago. Since then the border has become marvellously invisible rather than scattered with anxious, tooled-up squaddies in watchtowers, which was no way to carry on.

Its fairly the reasonably old pickle, isnt it? There is an Irish story that is useful here. A driver asks a passerby how to get to Dublin. If I wished to go to Dublin, succeeds the reply, I wouldnt start from here.

Read more: www.theguardian.com

READ MORE