My puppy is dying and I can’t cope

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I'm sorry if this kind of post isn't allowed. This community was so helpful to me when my puppy was younger and I thought maybe someone here has gone through this before.

I have a 1.5 year old puppy. She's so sweet and so loving. She has the most adorable prancy walk, like those dogs you see in dog shows. We had some rough patches when she was little, but I had just gotten to the point where we were on the other side and now I could just enjoy the adult dog she was becoming.

In late August she started walking funny. She would stumble around like she was drunk, and sometimes she would fall to her side even standing still. And her eyes kept flicking from side to side. All the vets were booked 3 weeks out and I was worried she had an ear infection and needed antibiotics, so I took her to the emergency vet. They told me I had to take her to a vet neurologist as soon as possible because she needed an MRI. They thought because of her size and age that she might have some sort of brain disease. So I drove her to the nearest vet neurologist, 100 miles away, and spent literally all my money getting her a spinal tap and an MRI. Get pet insurance, by the way, guys. My mom talked me into doing banfield's wellness plans instead of pet insurance when she was a baby, but if I had gotten insurance all her preventative care would have been covered.

Anyway long story short, she has an autoimmune brain disease called GME. And I'm devastated. Google has been so so scary. She responded well to the prednisone at first but it's been a slow decline since. This disease isn't curable and I'm trying to wrap my head around the fact that even if she could potentially live a couple more years, she might spend that time unable to chase her toys or put her paws on my knees to ask for cuddles. We used to go on long walks, but now she can only walk for half a block before getting tired. She can't even sniff around in the grass because uneven surfaces are so hard for her to navigate.

Some days are fine, but some I just cry all day because I love her so much. I never imagined when I got her that she wouldn't be with me for the next 10 years. Have any of you dealt with this sort of thing? How do you cope?


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