If there’s one thing we know about the Kardashians, besides the fact that they can turn anything into money, it’s that they always find a reason to throw a party. This week, Kylie and her BFF Stassie Karanikolaou( can’t she merely be Stassie K ?) got matching Lasik eye surgery, which is apparently a thing now, and decided to celebrate by wearing really weird latex gowns decorated with eyeballs. I’m all for see reasons to defendant, but I’m still various kinds of confused. I have matching love pendants with my BFF, and other more hardcore BFFs I know have according tattoos they already regret. But according Lasik eye surgery? I don’t get it. Well, whatever, I guess there are things billionaire BFFs understand that we regulars don’t. Maybe if Kylie had the surgery a year ago, she would’ve seen Jordyn Woods’ betrayal coming. Oh, that’s not how Lasik operates? Never mind.
Obviously, Stassie documented the whole surgery, so that the world knows she has officially taken Jordyn’s place as Kylie’s number one BFF and will never sacrifice it back. She posted a pointless video of her and Kylie sitting in the chairs of the operating room right after surgery where Kylie’s sees are closed. Aww, poor Kylie is trying to rise and shine, but is just too spent. You knew that was coming. If I don’t make a joke about Kylie trying to rise and shine, who are able to? Oh right, the entire rest of the internet.
At the follow-up doctor’s appointment, the girls learn that they have 20/15 image( better than 20/20 ), which I didn’t know was a thing, but good for them. Maybe now they can see the wonky routes when they’re Facetuning their photos. Hopefully they don’t experience any of the negative Lasik side effects, which can include igniting and even temporary blindness. How will Kylie be able to tell apart her lip paraphernalium colors if she loses her perception ??
Anyway, the BFFs hurled a party to celebrate the birth of their newly-perfect eyesight( yes “youre reading” that accurately ). They took videos of themselves in the bathroom mirror wearing close-fisted pink latex garments, which I still can’t get over.
Does nobody else think it’s nonsensical to get matching gaze surgery and then move a party for their sight’s birthday? You can even hear Kylie in the background yelling, “My sight has been born; it’s my f* cking birthday.” Wait, so if the eyebrow hair I plucked last week flourishes back, has it been born, too? Does that mean I can throw “states parties “? Ugh, the amount of money these girls have to waste is literally my dream. I don’t know for sure, but my thought is that Kylie and Stassie get other secret surgeries together all the time( like boob jobs and lipo and belly button reconstruction) and simply decided to share this one because they can get away with calling it “medical” rather than exclusively cosmetic.
Apparently, friends who do Lasik eye surgery together, stick together! Unless Stassie fuckings it up like Jordyn did. In which case, a different BFF will swoop in and Kylie will have to figure out another way to mark their friendship. Matching beach rooms in the Hamptons, perhaps? Matching puppies? Matching toenails? Whatever it is, you can bet your bottom dollar Kylie will shed a party for it.
Images: Shutterstock; kyliesnapchat/ Instagram
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