Nothing scares me more than the notion duration, or perhaps a paucity there of.
Simultaneously, there has always been something strange about the middle.
The age-old metaphor lieu the human race into two categories: the individuals who look at the glass half full, and those who look at the glass half empty.
The anonymous genius behind this clich, nonetheless, failed to address what happens when you find yourself situated at the glass divide.
How do you represent the most of your circumstances when you panic both the past and the future?
Like most young adults to leave for college, I arrived at the University of Delaware on August 22, 2013, unsure as to how I would survive on my own for the very first time.
I didnt want to grow out of the connections I acquired because they defined me; a brand-new ordinary represent a brand-new Olivia, and I appeared neither prepared nor excited for the purposes of the a transformation.
I couldnt sleep at night; screaming my eyes out often prevented me from getting out of bunk for daytimes at a time.
After a lifetime of high expectations, my first taste of college substantiated incredibly disappointing. The good four years seemed far from a guarantee.
My fantasies afterward evolved into a reality; I descended head over heels in love with the University of Delaware.
Yet, if you asked me on a random period in October of 2013, after hours of tossing and returning at night from anxiety, I would have told a lie along the lines of, Its not absolutely amazing right now, but itll get better.
Two years later, I live the life I always craved, one that Im proud of.
I experienced comfort in the fact that my hometown friends were, too, beginning to call their colleges dwelling; we really were young adults. It was a shared suffer, and it corroborated our friendships.
Fast-forward to Spring 2015. As I approach my sophomore times conclusion, I mark a successful first half by the little things.
It was chasing my towed automobile down a main road with one of our friend at 11:45 pm, and then spending the duration of the nighttime finishing frat formal jugs/ b* tching about how the tow truck driver didnt plow me very nicely.
It was prescribing entire baguettes at Panera after a long period drink, and amidst slew of stares, finishing them in approximately two minutes.
It was treading to White Clay Creek state park to experience the sunset.
It was playing with puppies for the recreation of it, and taunting each other when the dog didnt seem to enjoy our companionship too much.
It was the peoples of the territories I expended these remembers with that manufactured me recognize more than the black and white; there need not be a hometown me and a college me.”
We are one person, and thats okay.
Im afraid there is no greater challenge than having all the tools in your gear, but not knowing which room to turn the screwdriver.
This growing pain captures the halfway points complexity.
I spent my entire life looking forward to the future, and without warning or summon, the future arrived.
Despite descending head over heels in love with my life at academy, my friends and family gave me the confidence to realise the ballsiest decision I ever induced, to investigate abroad on my own through the Danish Institute for Study Abroad( DIS) in Copenhagen, Denmark.
Once I received admission into DIS in Copenhagen on February 26, 2015, I knowledge, at most, 10 instants of sheer exuberance and excitement.
I “ve been trying to” devise a movie in my memory about how my semester abroad would pan out: go, going out, forming sidekicks, etc.
I requirement something tangible to prepare my future seem animated, but where to inaugurate?
The questioning persisted; did I pick the privilege semester to investigate abroad? Why do I appear the need to completely start anew( and alone) in a residence I know nothing about?
These indecisions maintained me preoccupied in class, confused while driving and inattentive in gossip — am I in too deep?
My peers constantly shed the motto season of their own lives around left and right, but these empty-meaning statements are still far from guarantees.
Flashbacks to my virtually self-destructive change into college ran rampant.
As a self-diagnosed command freak, I disintegrated into a permanent regime of ambivalence.
Though initially too embarrassed to verbalize my headaches, my suspenses clique my subconsciou faster than you are able say Denmark.
Although my parents ever caused me to believe that I had the world( quite literally) at my fingertips, I however harbor a tiny instinct that the worst-case scenario is imminent.
My sidekicks, family and the essence of Delaware were more than simply a support system, but an inextricable facet of my identity.
Who would I be without them by my slope through the good, bad and ugly?
As the human rights manifestation to seeing how truly beautiful I find my college know to be, the possibility of living without them physically in Copenhagen seemed up in the air.
Sure, its abroad, and traveling alone is far from the worst happening in the world, but good-for-nothing can supplant your safety net.
Its not like I was graduating, after all, and I did feel guilty about disbelieving my opportunity to embark on the journey of a lifetime, but lets not forget nothing lasts forever.
When the time of my life comes to a screeching halt, and I return to a walking soul of what my college event used to be, when my best friends have brand-new best friend, a new dynamic in their brand-new housing, brand-new enjoy stakes, new inside puns, a brand-new procedure and Im not a part of it for the final halfs span, did I still certainly have the time of “peoples lives”?
I distinctly remember sitting around a table in Perkins Student Center merely five days before I left Newark for the semester, for an entire semester.
I sat with our friend, one of which who is also abroad.
I read a quote I stumbled across from Azar Nafisi, You get a strange believe when you’re about to leave a neighbourhood, I told him, like you’ll is not simply miss the people you enjoy but you’ll miss the person or persons you are now at this time and this situate, because you’ll never be this way ever again.
Goosebumps rose as the quote from the phone began to take life in front of my eyes.
My pals and I will not seeing each other — they will represent recognitions without me and be added section to their story without me in it.
Not to mention, some of our friend chose to study abroad in the spring, this is why we wont be all together at school at for a solid year.
That being said, I set out on a mission to live two semesters worth of merriment into one — yolo, right?
I guess you could say I wasnt really looking at “peoples lives” from the lens of get abroad, but more so , not going to be in Delaware.
I tried to live as hard-handed as I could to clear the most of my semester, but something still comprised me back from saying what I needed to say and having both my thought and organization living wholly in the moment.
Even though it would be a while for me to return, I still would, in time, am coming to Delaware.
Thats the halfway items conundrum.
You find yourself afraid to make a mistake, to take a sip from your otherwise half-full glass, but what if that mistake is worth all the while?
Perhaps you learn from that mistake, and that hands-on reading healed a weave that time is impossible to mend.
Nevertheless, you still have two more years left to go, and while your environments may cheat you into feeling as if its all coming to a shut, its far from over.
We change all the time, but parties, homes and things have an peculiar bia to remain pure at their foundation.
How do you proceed when your eyes are merely quite open?
Do I oblige the mistake, or does epoch truly do heal all meanders?
Hell, is afterwards even guaranteed, and if so, how late is too late?
They say you dont known better strong “you think youre” until being strong is the only choice you have.
When I drove to the airport with my parents, I could barely speak, gobble or send a text.
Its all accident, I thought to myself, and I seemed unprepared.
In hindsight, those horrors stemmed from uncertainty.
Without your best friend, my number, my parish, I did not know if I could stand on my own two feet.
But here I am.
Amidst the stress of travel plans, adjusting to a new culture and doing sure I have enough money in my bank account to buy a latte, something about Copenhagen reminds me, day in and day out, that everything will be okay.
This universe tends to unfold exactly as it should.
Yet if we dont learn lessons from record, we are fated to repeat it.
If theres one thing Ive taken off the halfway levels hesitation, its that these horrors ignite a gasoline to finish the glass, and finish strong.
The end is by no means something to look forward to, but its an inspiration, a motivation to push yourself a little harder to send that risky verse, to finish that last booze, to move a brick or two out of the route only to admire the view.
Its true-blue; todays beauty proves exquisitely unique than tomorrow’s.
For this reason, I have no choice but to take a deep breath, enjoy it, cherish it, to take it all in.
Ive done so much. Ive lived — all with half the glass left to experience.
I dont just knowing that onward, but in the meantime, I experience no harm in enjoying the view.