If you’re anything like me, you invest the majority of members of your time on personal computers because it’s lane easier than real life. Literally everything in a computer is easier than its analog equivalent. Email is better than snail mail, YouTube lets us watch parties get hit in the projectiles without having to endure whatever asshole is currently hosting America’s Funniest Home Videos , and word processing programs make us type without discovering what grammatically incompetent twits we are.
Wouldn’t it be great if we had the same availabilities of personal computers in reality? Here are the features I think we could use the most.
# 8. Copy/ Cut/ Paste
I’ve cultivated exclusively with computers for well over a decade, because I’m clumsy and therefore a danger to myself when doing real-people chores, and I get frustrated easily with repetitive assignments. Whether it’s turning burgers or making a brick wall, the act of repeatedly picking things up and moving them is a pain in the ass.
In The Real world …
You could select an object and then merely emulate, paste, recite. A occupation at Taco Bell would be a lot more bearable if you drew one taco before lunch and simply glued it, red-hot and amply wrap, over and over again for every customer.
“Or you could give me a Ctrl+ Z to undo working here … ”
Stores would save a sheaf simply reusing the same make over and over, and you could save even more buying one of those build-your-own six multitudes and only pasting the good ones forever. Even more practically, you are able oblige copies of your most valuable organs for when you inevitably destroy them with all of the cigarettes, Big Macs, and vodka you imitated over the years.
The cut function might be even better. You’d never “re going to have to” do any heavy lifting again. You could just cut and later glue happens wherever you want them to go. Suspect a macrocosm in which strained backs are a act of the past. Carrying quantities of laundry up and down the stairs would be as easy as ambling up and down the stairs — which is a challenge for me because I’m atrociously out of shape, but you get the general idea.
Though carrying a ended bedroom set on a clipboard might prove to be tricky .
Destroying evidence would be as easy as cutting an object, then cutting another. Just like the gag which was initially here but accidentally emulated over, it would never be seen again. Those the thousands of beer bottles from that binge you pasted over the weekend? Cut and then lost seconds later when you imitated that McNugget into the full 20 you now need to fight the hangover.
# 7. Saving Progress
Do you have any dejections? I do. I’m divorced, I’ve get hastening tickets, and I once got hit in the waste by a piece of wood that hovered out of a counter learn. So I have some knowledge with looking back on instants and indicating on how “it wouldve been” super to have not done that, because I still holler when I pee-pee sometimes.( Divorce is rough, folks)
On the other hand, I have zero repents with any video game I play, because I save as often as possible, whether it allows speedy saves or has save phases. For instance, there is no unhappines for your attribute in Alien: Solitude when you inadvertently allure the beast with your operate and it kills you, because you saved video games and can go back and not do that this time. Regrettably for your underwear, that doesn’t undo the racing stripe you just forged in horror turds.
A better bowel loosener than Metamucil or a enlist find for Ted Nugent .
In The Real world …
Wouldn’t it be great if we could save the day when we get up in the morning? Or just before a big interview? Or before expecting the custodian if he was propositioning you with his eyes or merely has a weird tic? All that repents could be undone with a reload. It would be like Edge Of Tomorrow , except you don’t have to take the shot in the face or run over to reverse your most recent screwup.
“Shit … ”
Had an breathtaking rapport, but fucked it up over a stupid misunderstanding? Reload. Blow through a red light? Reload. Got drunk and applied peanuts butter on your genitals to make friends with the dog? Reload, but gross. You can reboot their own lives, but you can’t rubbed a mind clean, pervert.
# 6. Piracy
Before anyone screams, I know, piracy is good. It is possible and has assassinated the careers of indie developers and writers, because rather than paying for their commodity, people precisely shared it free of charge, and free doesn’t buy food and WiFi. On that memo, a lot of people are -AOK pirating happenings from big companies. Raise your hand if you paid $7,000 for that emulate of Photoshop you use to supersede celebrities’ fronts with dicks. I thought so.
Fact: Merely two lawful imitations were ever reached, both in 1997.
In The Real World …
Now that we’ve cleared that up, should be considered a world-wide in which the poorest of the poor and downtrodden could have lobster mac and cheese because someone made some at a fancy( perhaps schmancy) restaurant, then made a bunch of free emulates to share. That wouldn’t even impact the restaurants sector, because it’s not like Ol’ Hobo Gus was going to eat at the Four Seasons but “fuck it, free lobster mac.” And what if simple circumstances that add up in life could just be repetition from what the Haves “re going to have to” prepare life less shitty for the hardworking Have Nots? Trips to the food bank would be a snap, and you are able drop off Costco-sized caskets of Q-tips or actual fresh nutrient instead of that canned garbage that people who can’t afford a can opener are always offered.
True, but would we really want to have to sit through this PSA before every snack ?
Granted, some people would take advantage of this and use it for Teslas, Blu-ray participates, and 96 -inch TVs that would go perfectly in my front room. Now, these pirated emulates will probably have some built-in troubles only to fuck with the thieves, but frankly, that’s an additional seam of humorous I believe the real world could use right now.
# 5. Bookmarks And Shortcuts
Bookmarks are already a act. Remember those articles of posting board you shoved into your pre-Kindle so that when you went back you didn’t have to remember what sheet you were on? That’s actually exactly how we came to use the period “bookmark” for webpages.
In The Real World …
Condescending history assignments aside, the basic theme behind bookmarks and shortcuts would be amazing in the real world. Imagine being able to snap right back to where you were in line after extending to the bathroom, regardless of how many dick geeks plagiarize your home for the brand-new Star Wars movie.
Although autocomplete will lead to awkward questions as to why you went
to the strip mall while your husband objective up at “Mammary Lane.”
More essentially, you could make a shortcut to the responsible groceries you always “forget” when shopping. A shortcut to where you parked at a plaza or concert could save prized hours of their own lives that is likely to be expend doing something other than travelling and screaming quietly.
# 4. “Invisible” Setting
One of the main reasons socially incompetent people like myself evolve into Howard-Hughes-like loners who compile cats and cereal cartons until A& E has to intervene is the fact that it’s hard to go anywhere in civilization without training. Leaving the members of this house almost always signifies someone is going to say “hello” or move see contact, and that is just too damn much human interaction for some of us.
Even if you’re not a shut-in, there are some people you’d instead not interact with who can’t seem to read the “get fucked” look in your eyes and insist on speaking to you.
This is why chat curricula have an “invisible” setting. Because sometimes you have shit to do and don’t is intended to be faulted by employees, former acquaintances, or that mall Santa who’s to comply with you for years.
In The Real world …
Just think, you no longer have to feel guilty as you try to avoid attention contact with a homeless person despite the wad of cash in your pocket. You could get that cucumber and hodgepodge container of condoms through the self-checkout without detecting watched. Depart on, I won’t judge.
That virgin olive oil isn’t stay around that path for long …
It would also do life much more bearable for the self-conscious in the world. I’m someone who can trip over good-for-nothing on a linoleum storey, so sauntering down a concrete sidewalk with seams has caused more than a few completely unnecessary stumbles where individuals were gazing. There’s nothing I can do about that, because there’s no rehabilitation for clumsiness, but it would be awesome to fall because your paws are stupid and not have witnesses.
On the downside, shoplifting “wouldve been” super easy. But come up parties, don’t be assholes.
Pirate that shit.
# 3. Pausing
If anything on this list is a superpower I would cleanse myself in poisonous substances to get, this is it. The best part of watching a movie, listening to a ballad, or playing a video game on a computer is the possibility of pause it at any time for any reason.
Like that much needed change of underwear and vodka shot after this .
In The Real World …
The ability to pause life would make time administration meaningless, since procrastinating was able to expend non-time that you’d essentially has only one endless supply of. Impromptu sleeps could happen at any time with no repercussions. No question how crazy/ important/ fast-paced your work, you could just plummet everything and run to the can at any time( but still wash your hands, stinky ).
Work in fast food? You could spit in some asshole’s nutrient for being rude, and literally no one would be able to tell. Not that I endorse that kind of happening. You could also rob a bank simply by waiting for someone to open the tomb and path in. But I recommend exactly utilizing it for napping and convening deadlines at the last minute, unless you’re a frightful person.
There’s a ground we called this the greatest superpower of all time .
# 2. Search Engines
Search locomotives are more than merely a gadget in the modern world. They’re necessary to find a job, a cookie recipe, or personal information about that person you have a crush on and can’t seem to get a lock of their mane to sniff. But in the real world, it would become the single most indispensable instrument anyone ever devised.
Way more than whatever the fuck this is .
In The Real World …
You’d never lose another set of its most important, or your phone. You wouldn’t have to ask anyone where the condoms were at the storage( receive: invisibility, self checkout ), and you could “image” search that person you kinda recognize and knows your name so you don’t look like a dick when they say hi. Combine it with the bookmark facet and you are able reign on Jeopardy or emotionally brutalize the stupid on Wheel Of Fortune .
Otherwise known as the University of Phoenix of game shows .
If you were ever lost in the wilderness, you could look up which mushrooms you could ingest for fun, and which ones you could devour for food. Or maybe search where you are and not get lost in the first place.
You could also become the world’s most hated “um, actually” guy by immediately discrediting the bullshit everyone around you spurt. But hey, self-righteousness is it’s own honor, right? It’s what fuels Facebook.
# 1. Muting/ Blocking
If you’ve ever exploited Twitter, these are indispensable tools for not being bothered by people who insist on “debating” you by spamming up your timeline with incessant tweets, blowing off those “See Why I faved You” religion notes, and, most importantly, saving disorderly dicks from so called “movements” from sea-lioning you with bullshit subjects because you has come to share an ruling they disagreed with.
The brand-new universal symbol for “asshole.”
In The Real world …
Wouldn’t it be great to never again have to hear those irking people making the kiosks in the middle of the plaza?
No! No one wants your stupid copper head-octopus occasion, and you smell like a cologne ad from the 1970 s .
You could permanently avoid parties you’ve had a falling out with. Or you are able blocking or subdue other things, like tabloids in the checkout string or anything on daytime Tv that isn’t Twilight Zone reruns.
Even better, women could soften or block catcallers. Thoughts a world in which cutting shitty parties out of their own lives was as easy as clicking a button. Of everything in this list, this is the one that would allow people to take back their lives from assholes and do some real good. Hell, how much bitternes and tendernes could we all have avoided in the ‘9 0s if we were able stymie Columbia House?
“You can buy 15 puppies for only a penny! “
“Must … ignore …
As with impeding on the Internet, people will call you a coward and assert that they triumphed life if you block them. And just like impede on the Internet, they’re dead fucking wrong, because your life now contains one less harassing cow pie of a human. And we could all call fewer human cow pies.