So youre between S.O.s at the moment, or maybe your current relation is way too casual to withstand the couple-y pressure of Valentines Day. Whatever the same reasons, the point is that youre chilling by yourself on Feb. 14 this year, and apparently that means youll wind up watching Netflix. Not to sound like one of those obnoxious single-empowerment clauses, but with a liberal application of alcohol, a genuine betch can enjoy herself in literally any statu, up to and including spending the dreaded V-Day alone. Honestly, its hard to have a bad nighttime when you simply recollect half of it.
But I digress. Netflix and wine-coloured is, of course, one of the most supernatural compoundings known to betchkind. Sometimes, though, the infinite smorgasbord is a little much, so Ive narrowed it down for you.
Whats most romantic than Channing Tatums soulful seeings and a bunch of men in thongs gyrating to Its Raining Men? Literally nothing, so celebrate the facts of the case that youre watching this glorious movie with Champagne. Regrettably, you cant popping a bottle all over Joe Manganiellos abs, so sucking it is the next best situation. TBH I should cease the roster right here because I can think of literally best available acces to waste Valentines Day than with booze and, but Ill continue in case thats( inexplicably) not your happening.
2.+ Pinot Noir
is perfect for the fierce betch. Technically, its a love storyin between all the murder and cannibalism, everyones pining for each otherso its thematically appropriate for V-Day. Mostly, though, its about Johnny Depp savagely assassinating everyone in sight and singing about itwhich is exactly what you want to do to all the happy pairs on Valentine’s Day but can’t because it’s illegal/ generally frowned upon. To go with the humaner, pork piesonscreen, drink a Pinot Noir.
3.+ Any 100 -Proof Liquor
Yeah I know it’s not wine, but sometimes wine simply doesn’t cut it. Use some of the strongest liquor available to guy to numb the suffering when you realize that youll never have a charity as pure and beautiful as Westley and Buttercups. If it shapes you feel better, were all in the same boat.
4.+ Any Wine You Can Find
As a 90 -minute metaphor for STDs, is the ideal movie for moving people glad theyre not off banging person with chlamydia. As a fucking terrifying fright movie, it requires an entire bottle of wine-coloured to handle without “losing ones” subconsciou. Honestly your alternative of wine-colored doesnt topic here as long as its got at least a 14 percentage ABV.
5.+ Two Buck Chuck
Riding solo on Valentines Day merely means you get at imagine about whomever you require. You know what that symbolizes? Time to break out a series of heartthrobs from your adolescence, beginning with the ever-dreamy Heath Ledger in. In honour of Julia Stiles get consumed and dancing on a table to Biggie Smalls, break away your shittiest wine-coloured, that six pack of inexpensive beer, and/ or a handle of watermelon flavored Smirnoffwhatever takes you back to high school.
6.+ Petite Sirah
IDGAF that is supposed to be a Christmas movie. It’s got the word love right there in the name, ergo it’s a Valentine’s Day movie. Obviously, a movie this sappy requirement something dry to offset it out, like Petit Sirah and your wit.
If you havent already seen the greatest rom com of the 2000 s, Valentines Day is the perfect time to watch it; after all, Bridget Jones herself has wasted numerous a nighttime alone on the lounge. Shes likewise cracked open numerous a bottle of wine-colored, so meet her in drinking what your mama would call “too much Chardonnay.”
8.+ Your Oldest Wine
has everything: A gold-digging Marilyn Monroe, fucking amazing clothings, and songs devoted to attractive Olympic contestants( I Cherish What Im Doing( When Im Doing It For Love )) and how diamonds are better than gentlemen( Diamond Are a Girls Best Friend ). Since the musical came out in 1952, break away the oldest wine-coloured in your kitchen, aka the one you bought last week and forgot about up to now. Just don’t endeavor any at-home pigment chores, however strong the recommend may be.
If you’re not masochistic enough to watch a repugnance movie by yourself but youre still pissed at left alone on Valentines Day, you can get out that aggression with a horror-comedy like
your love life . There’s a lot of blood onscreen, which you can equal by drinking a dark red wine like Tempranillo.
Normally, I would never condone watching pretentious indie films because that’s for monstrosities who went to movie academy and develop out their armpit mane. That tell me anything, is a movie about a prostitute tearing through Los Angeles in search of her pimp/ boyfriend who cheated on her when she was in jail. Its also prepared during Christmas. Require I say more? No. To go with a movie whose proposition is this dainty, you need the girliest of all wines: ros.
11.+ Wine Cooler
I have tragic report. The 90 s classic, which reached 90 s girlfriends everywhere believe in the ability of love with your step friend( and even more importantly, fashion ), is leaving Netflix on Feb. 28. Since you cant actually be with ultimate DILF Paul Rudd on Valentines Day, the next best occasion is to watch all nighttime. Of route, any movie set at a high school in the 90 s deserves a throwbacktime to break out the wine-coloured coolers you adored “when youre” 16.
It sounds like something I just made up, but I predict this really is literally real. Bless Netflix for endowing us with 45 minutes of puppies being precious. Watch in bed, clutching a bottle of Riesling, then holler yourself to sleep.
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